Sunday, December 14, 2014

Some favorites quotes as of late

Expose yourself to your deepest fear;
After that fear has no power,
And the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes,
You are free.
-Jim Morrison.-

A crisis becomes a chance,scars become armor
No one can break it,I guard my heart, do you see that?
Even if I'm lost in the maze called Despair,
I trust myself in the split road called Chance
I need to stand up,what doesn't kill me makes me stronger
I'm an expert on turning the tables and winning
 -Lyrics from the song Iron Girl by Hat : felt-

What the world gives you more than you bargained for,
You usually ended up glad you got it. -Grey's Anatomy S11

Not everyone has a sob story,Charlie,
and even if they do,
it's no excuse
-The perks of being a wallflower.

Her heart did whisper
He had done it for her
-Jane Austen : Pride and Prejudice-

If two people are meant to be together,
going after your dream is not going to change that
-The lost girls-

Where would we be without tomorrows?
What we'd have instead would be todays.
And if that was the case,with you,I'd hope for the longest dat for today.
I'd fill today with you,doing everything I've ever loved.
I'd laugh,I'd talk/I'd listen and learn,I'd love,I'd love,I'd love.
I'd make every day today and spend them all with you,and I'd never worry about tomorrow,when I wouldn't be with you.
And when that dreaded tomorrow comes for us,please know that I didnt want to leave you,or be left behind,
That every single moment spent with you were the best times in my life.
-Cecelia Ahern : How to Fall In Love-

Sometimes you can know something and not know it at the same time.
It was a moment and moments change.
She would have to live through the moment to get to the next.

Life is a series of moments and moments are always changing.
Just like thoughts,positive and negative.
-Cecelia Ahern: How to fall in love-

Recent Highlights!

I think I broke the record this year by attending only ONE concert this year. That's right,you read it correctly. ONE. And so I was just wishing to at least be able to attend one more before the year end. And my wish came true in a way I guess. I won passes to watch Yuna's showcase organized by E! News and Astro. And with that I may appear on tv and also won her postcards and a ukelele! Hhahahaha. It's certainly something different. Went to watch the showcase with Ms.Sweet and her friends. (cant find anyone in my social circle who's interested enough/free to attend it sadly.) It was an interesting experience attending the showcase. She sang Deeper Conversations (my all time fav song from her) and Mountains (my recent fav). I was hoping for her to sing Lights and Camera, but she didn't. But it's all good. It was a very chilled and intimate vibe at the showcase as the venue was small and the songs are all more towards acoustic. Went to Ms.Sweet's place to stay the night. I definitely had a good time.

Also, I attended my first book signing ! (not me signing, but me attending to get a copy of a book I bought signed). I just recently discovered and am loving reading poetry. And a one that's been gaining a lot of good reviews in my timeline that is , is Lang Leav ! Managed to get hold of her first book - Love and Misadventure at a really really good buy. (poetry books are seriously very expensive,sadly). And when I heard that she's coming down for a meet and greet session in KL, I had to go. It was such an interesting day for me. I attended the event alone. And I get to see and meet people who share the same interest in me.- Reading, like publicly for the first time (?)  It's such a different atmosphere from the events where I go and meet artists who are like international celebs cause everyone's in this frenzy and stuff. It's just 2 opposite vibes.

I get to know a person or two for that hour or so and just randomly chatted with them. And it's also official that I go all awkward whenever I meet a person I am in awe/ admire/ like a lot . My mind just go all empty and I go all stiff and awkward in expressing myself as to try to come up with something intelligent to say, to which I usually fail. hahahahaha.

Also, managed to finally meet up with Ah Yee to just chill and catch up on stuffs and celebrate her birthday! We did not have a proper sit down to chat and stuff since July. I know. I am a bad friend. But we manage to catch up and stuff on the last day of November and had a really good time.

Ooh,also, I've been busy applying for jobs - be it a clerk , paralegal or an attachment. And I finally landed a job at a firm which I didn't expect to be in! The ' urghhhh, shit shit shit' moment I felt after an interview session with the firm (I had to go through 2 of them!) and the nerve wrecking wait on whether I am good and a uitable match for their firm or also for other interviews, was nerve wrecking ! I can be a very impatient person when it comes to knowing things like these at times, it almost drove me mad. (I think I made it to the obsession level and was bordering on the insanity level) , it's no joke. All in all, I get to learn so much from this process. And I am so thankful that finally someone thinks I am worthy. Hahahaha.

This is definitely a new challenge that I've yet to experience in my life. Getting a first serious,proper job on my own, going through exams this time around without my close friends. I feel like it's finally here. I am in this thing all by myself this time around. It's something I've never gone through in my life before. (yes,I do live a sheltered life in a way I guess.)  I'm scared and nervous like shit. But at the same time excited and am up to take up this challenge! May all the force in the universe be with me now!

-with lots of love, peace out-

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Late post : 1

''Needless to say I love the subway. I glean all my characters from my fellow passengers. The same sorts of things which attracted me to Missed Connections, I find on the train: subtle interactions, eccentricity, beauty, sorrow, secrets, kindness, generosity, excellent hairdos. Every sort of person imaginable and unimaginable. '' Sophie Blackall --Missed Connections

A feeling

A feeling of sadness that it's sad I've come to know a person that sparks my interest enough that I want to know more of.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad that I feel we can have something more.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad that I thought things might work out to become something awesome.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad that I thought maybe,perhaps, this could be it.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad that the timing's not right,the feelings are not mutual.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad because I feel it's rare (for now maybe) to come across someone who seems to share a common interest with you on the things you like.

A feeling of uncertainty arises as to who you really are as a person other than the prima facie layer that people usually perceive.
A feeling of uncertainty as to what are your thoughts on the serious things in life.
A feeling of uncertainty as to what are your thoughts,perspective and goals in life.
A feeling of uncertainty as to what you perceive/think of me as a person.

A feeling that I know that it's not 'i like you ' kind of feeling,
A feeling that's more of a mix of being interested and a crush.

It's not much of a feeling of heartbreak,
It's just this feeling of a certain kind of unexplainable sadness.


I think the last time I had a crush on someone was a few years back.This year I find myself having an interest in someone of the opposite sex which come very close to a crush but not enough to amount to liking him. Let's just say I am interested and curious to want to get to know him more on rather than the general getting-to-know -a-friend level.

I kind of try and ask if he is interested to hang out and was given some very lame excuses and from there I get the message. He is not interested.. And then I had a hunch that there is something going on between him and a girl which is a classmate of mine. And yesterday I think my hunch was kinda spot on. And now I have this feeling of sadness.

'l know over time I will not be feeling what I am feeling now and I will get over this feeling and will thank the stars in disguise as to why things didn't go how I hope that it will go for now.I just figured I need to let it out somewhere in order to satisfy the feeling of letting it out on a concrete setting/place.
 p/s: Don't get it twisted that I am desperate for a boyfriend.I am not. It's just that I've come to like this person now,and just feel like if something could happen,then of course, I would want it.
-peace out-

Monday, November 17, 2014


Last Saturday was the first class for all CLP resitters revision class.A lot of people didnt turn up.But I do get to see who didn't make it through the exam and will be taking them with me the second time around.Both my homies didnt come to class. And I felt a little bit lonely.I dont mind sitting alone or what not,it's just I get the feeling that I am really really doing this alone this time around.Like the feeling is just different compared to earlier this year where I know at least like me,Yik Yee,stand and all are 'in this together'. Like I know who to find and talk to from time to time who gets me and is my support system.But this time around,it feels different.I dont know how to explain it,but it just doesnt.Maybe it's something where you need to go through to be able to understand this feeling.

I would be lying if I say I do not care what people think of me when they saw/recognize me and see that I had failed my CLP. I do admit that my pride/ ego was affected.I do care what people think of me.I wonder if they think : OMG,i thought she is a bright student and she failed, or some may think the other way around like Hah,I knew she wouldnt get through it. Yeah,I know I shouldnt give a damn as to what they think of me,but I just can't help myself at times.And I do know that at times ,it is better to be humble than let my pride get the better of me.So yeah,I hope I will be able to swallow / extinguish some of my pride/ego.

I arrived for class early and certain classmates we talking quite loudly and I can't help but hear their conversations.An uncle who decided to take CLP as a 2 year program has started to study full swing - i.e. seriously now already and is telling another girl that she too should do so. The girl responded by saying she is studying almost daily. Hearing this, I thought to myself : "oh shit, I am sooo on a different (and not really in a good way) level with them. I'm still trying to find a job and whatnot. And it seemed like some of them are still doing this full time.And then it just click,on what one of my interviewer mentioned that I am indeed taking a risk on this this time around.

But I have chosen to go down this road.So,I shall do this.I did think at times after I was being rejected after a job interview that what if I dont get a job? should i just give up now? maybe I just am not good enough for this..Should i just stop looking for a job and just focus on my studies? My heart was contemplating over this again,but my mind said : No.You do not give up Jo.You are known on many occasion to just finish something half way because you got impatient and fed up with it.Or sometimes,you are just all talk/dreaming and not action. So,you do not just give up like that.You will see through this to the end.

Also,my friends really gave me the confidence and support me in this,which I am eternally grateful and hence I will get through this.Fingers crossed that I will be able to write some good news here soon!

-with lots of love,peace out-

Psyching myself

I gasped when I saw that my last post was in September.I didnt know it was such a long time again since I wrote here. So what did I do for the past 2 months for me to procrastinate again to write here?

Well in October I went for a trip to Singapore and Malacca with Sweet,Ms.Lee,Arif and Fred.It was a fun trip I would say.A little bit disappointed with the food in Singapore,but other than that,it was fine.One funny moment would be that Ms.Lee and I stayed up to watch Eddie Peng's drama while everyone was already asleep.I cannot tahan whispering due to the many excitement that I wanna express that we sat at the staircase outside of the hostel in order to talk in normal voices and what not.Hah,and for the first time I finished a can of beer by myself with the results of getting rashes over my body and hands the next day.Certainly a new experience. Coming back from the trip and going back to reality,I was busy applying for jobs.

I would say this is my first time doing this as I never really actually applied/went for an interview in a law firm.I am determined to try and gain more experience in the legal world,and hence this time around,I decided to take a risk and work while studying part time for my CLP. I feel it will be a challenging experience but I feel it's something worth while. No matter if the outcome is good or bad,I feel that there is something to be learnt from this.

I have been to about 5 or 6 interviews so far,and must say no one interview is the same. Certain firms asked a lot more questions in order to test what kind of person you are,some are focused more on your results,some are focused more on the previous working experience that you have.and the vibe that each interviewer give is definitely different.It's a truly interesting experience-not just in attending these interview but finding the locations of the law firms.I do filter my application and confine them to places which are near to LRT or KTM stations as it would be much easier to go to work and what not.

I must say initially,I loath selling my emotions and trying to put up a front where I am more energetic (or should I say more enthusiastic than I normally am) in order to make a good impression.Or in order words,I am not a fan of trying to sell myself out there in order to impress the interviewer.But this is sadly an unavoidable process that one must go through in order to get what one wants. I realized though,as I attend more interviews,I am more comfortable in doing so,and I get more confidence too.

After finishing an interview session,I would usually look back on how I did and at certain times,I do wish I could turn back time just so I could give a better answer.At certain times,better answer just pop into my head after I am done with the interview session. But I try to make a mental note of it in order for me to be more prepared for future interviews.I also tend to doubt if the answer that I gave were weak and due to that,I was not hired because of that one weak answer. *sigh* I guess sometimes,being too safe of a person or its because after I failed my exam that I cant help but try to analyze and identify things on where did I go wrong.

I still am in  the process and hopes of being employed.There is a firm which I have my eye on and even though the job scope to it sounds hard/foreign/stressful and I cant help but thing at the first time it was explained to me " what the hell did I just get myself into" , another part of me tells myself, 'hey,its ok.Take it as a challenge.You dont know much about it,you learn from it.Stress is something which will eventually happen now or in the future in your line of job. And it exists in every workplace.SO do not run away and face it!'' I guess a part of me doubts myself on whether or not I am able to carry out the job properly and at the same time there is a feat of  ' what if I fuck up?'and thoughts about the prefect incident during secondary school flashed by in my mind.Another part of me do assure myself that hey,since you experienced it before,you know what to do and try not to let the same thing happen to you again.AND running away from it and not facing/ conquering your fears is only delaying it and not solving anything at all if I want to move forward in life.

Yes,all this is easier written down than to actually facing it in real.But I believe I am mentally strong to be able to get through this and what doesnt kill me will make me a stronger and better person. So fingers crossed that I will hear some good news soon and will be able to get rid/face/conquer my worries and fears.

-with lots of love,peaceout-

Thursday, September 25, 2014

The fear I feared

Its been 5 days now since I accepted the fact that I failed my CLP. I'm truly grateful ( and could not help but feel amused at times) at everyone who tried to cheer me up.I was amused as some of them were awkward or not good at things like that but I can see that despite that they still try and make an effort to make me laugh and not be so closed minded about seeing failure as a bad thing. So for that I am truly thankful and appreciate everyone who comforted it.

After seeing the results and after my brain has processed the fact that I did not pass the exam ( failed 2/5 papers BUT I gotta re sit ALL 5 now ) .. My initial reaction was just to stare at the computer screen. It took me for a while to cry. And I cried a little for the first time,it somehow felt that I have not fully released all the shock and sadness that  had happened.

And so,for almost the whole day ( say from 10am-5pm or so) I've been crying on and off with the help of Grey's Anatomy.. Prior to the day result came out,i downloaded this old movie called I Am Sam. As this was one of the saddest movie I've ever seen in my memory. And so I decided to watch it at night to fully complete my grieving process. TO me surprise,I didn't cry that much. I cried like crazy when I watched Grey's and some sad korean movies and what not.. But somehow,I didnt cry as much as I thought I would when I watched I Am Sam after 10 years or so since I first watched it. So yeah.

After the fact had kinda sunk into me,I tell myself that I am only gonna grief and wallow in the pits of self pity for 24 hours and that I did... I felt better the next day though the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was : Dude, you failed CLP . And the there's the slow realization that I gotta study and memorize everything again. Though this maybe easier this time around,but still the dread of having to see all those books again.. *sigh*

You may think that I am an arrogant bitch here,but I've never really experienced failure like this before.So,my honest feelings of this is that I feel humiliated. And I can't help compare with some other people who also sat for the  exams. Thoughts like " I surely attend a lot more classes and work harder than they did,etc' came to my mind... And also I felt that I disappointed my parents and my family in a way though they told me it's ok.. But maybe deep down, the one that I've disappointed the most is myself.. I do have high expectations for myself because I know I am my own worst enemy.

I am feeling fine now really.But to be honest,there is an occasional feeling of bitterness and emoness you know.And this quote came to my mind :

        '' You never get over it.But you get to where it doesn't bother you so much'' Jeffery Eugenides,The Virgin Suicides

p/s : I dont know about heartbreak,but failing something that you want and hope so bad sucks big time and i can't help thinking to myself in between tears,that whoever said heartbreak may seem that your world and everything comes crashing down clearly have not experience failing to get something they desire to achieve. ( but this may just be for me. hah!)

p/p/s: please note that some days i might be all fine and happy and some days i maybe just a super emo person.

-with lots of love,peace out.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

I need a moment.

Hello again.. I actually have some posts which I intent to post before this,but decided that I wanna edit some of it. So I shalll just give a current updates of what's happening now first.

THE BIGGEST CONCERN AND THING THAT I AM STRESSED OUT FOR THE PAST 9 MONTHS OR SO (IN A WAY) HAS COME TO AN END . I failed my CLP. Yeah. I'm in shock. Not to say that I'm confident that I'll pass.But truth be told, there is a slight flicker of hope you know.(?)

Results came out about an hour ago.I didnt know that I could check my personal result already, I thought one can only check by viewing the list of person who has passed the exam and so i checked the list first. My heart dropped when I did not see my name there while i saw the names of my friends there. Looks like the fear that I feared came true.

To be honest,I'm not utterly sad over the fact that I failed,I dont know.There's so much mixture of emotions now that I feel numb with the occasional involuntary flow of tears.Though, I mean I did honestly prepare myself for that as in I didnt know what to expect the night before the results were out.But its just that,now when reality hits,I think about the people I've disappointed and that the fear I've feared before.-facing people.

It's been a long time since I've experienced this kinda of failure not that I am fond of experiencing it nor do I always experience it.How do i put it,I guess this is one of the lowest point in my life that I've experienced so far,you know?

I know there is no one to be blamed but for myself. I let my nerves overtake me during the exams,and I forgot a lot of things,I studied hard but maybe not smart enough. The slow realization that I have to study all 5 subjects again and the fear of what if I dont pass the second time around is slowly creeping into my mind and makes me feel terrified and this sudden grip of fear and panic takes over my heart. I think I am thinking too many thing at once now.

But,I know this is not the end.I will not give up.This is just a slight diversion of plan A,and I will proceed with a plan B. I need sometime to reorganize my thoughts and give myself a moment to grief and self pity myself.And then I need to get back on my feet again though I know that from time to time,I will emo and go back to self pity mode,please bear with me if i do so people,and if i'm going overboard,please feel free to put me back in my place.

I am thankful and very grateful for all the support and help that was given to be through the course and hence I will not give up and try to stay strong and preserve on.

-with lots of love,peace out-

Friday, July 18, 2014

Current thoughts

Can I just buy a plane ticket and go to the places I wanna go? Why? Because it seems everyone has their own timing and its at times so hard to match up with each other,and i somewhat feel a mixture of impatientn-ess and feeling that time is running out for me? *sigh*

I am trying hard but its hard to accept that everything dont go as how you dream and want in life at times.  ( minus the fact that you are trying and the realization that everything is easier said than done) but i just gave this pent up (?) frustration,longing, and enviness of watching people being able to just get out and escape at times making it seems that they are doing so without giving much thought and worry about it.

I'm thinking about the life i want and figuring out ways to achieve them.Cant help thinking about what ifs and will people thinking i am too childish in my thoughts  or that i am too much of  a dreamer or just a foolish,selfish person?  Or am i just angry and frustrated with myself? For not making things happen? maybe i am. Maybe thats what my inner self is telling myself.

I know I should take things one step at a time,but its just,I dont know..urghhh, I need to reorganize my thoughts i guess. i guess i should take up an advice a person gave me that when he has troubles,he just goes to bed and sleep and try not to think too much of it.

I dont know.late night emoness when you have PMS sucks big time. Especially me who gets very very moody when its that time of the month for me.

-peace out-
I am finally done with exams.Just like that,9 months have passed by just like that.How did I do in my exams this time around? To be very honest,I  not sure.I dont think I did well. i dont know if it was the nerves and stress or i just did not prepare myself enough. At the end of my final paper,I just tell myself that I know I could have done better. that's all that i could think of.

So i am preparing myself for the very worst and another alternative.
So fogers crossed that i dont have to choose the alternative road for after fonishing my exams,to have to go through it all over again-the workload,the stress,the embarrassement,the disappoient and frustration is just plain torture. so,may the force be with me.

Other than that,happy holidays everyone!

-with lots of love,peace out-

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Tomorrow is the day where i am sitting for my exams for the next 10 days or so.. it all comes to this.the final one.

How am i feeling now? Its more or less how i felt when inwas about to sit for juris paper except that this might be slightly worse cause you may know what the answer is here but cannot recall where is the answer located. for juris,its all based on your own opinion and stuff.

I am scared of what i dont know is fatal and will what i know be enough?

This overwhelming feeling resulted in me breaking down in the shower just now.I just couldnt help it.

And then i realized, way to go CLP exams, for you just broke me on another level that I have not experienced before in my life..

May the forxe be with me to just be able to get theough these 10 days.I foresee there might be tears before (it just happened) , during and after the exams.

This would certainly be one of the challenges that I am facing so far in my life. may everything that i need to get through this be with me. mentally,phycially,and spiritually.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I fear

It's been sometime now again that i wrote here.Have seriously been busy with studies and a little bit of hanging out and watching some shows to have some winding down time and attending classes.that's about all I've been doing these days.

Classes officially ended last week. I have mixed feelings as to this this time around.After studying in the same place for the past 5 years or so,so many changes have occurred.The surrounding environment, the people that I've come to know and what not. I hope though that I wont have to go back for the purposes of having to re-take my CLP exams.

The stress that I am undergoing this year for the CLP exams are truly on a whole another level compared to my UOL days. I try to convince myself from experience that I can handle it. But lo and behold,I just find myself crying one day while hearing songs to take a short break from studying. Even I was surprised.Last time I use to feel the need to release stress (by crying of course) by watching sad movies to make me cry.Nowadays,I just need a song or maybe just having a moment of silence I could cry like that.So, yeah, dont even get me started on having the feeling to want to vomit from time to time. (that's due to stress.I am not sick in any way)

I tell myself that I shall give my very best for this exam,with the hope to get through it for the first sitting itself.But in the event that I am not be able to get through,then well,I shall have no regrets and that life moves on.There's always another path that can be taken.

A part of me though,still can help being afraid.To be very honest and with no intention of wanting to brag whatsoever, I have got through all my law exams through the first sitting.I am very thankful for that. And so this time around-with a known fact that the failure rate for the CLP exams are so very high,I am afraid.Seriously scared. To put it in another way,I have not really experience failure for the past few years. And a part of me inside is scared and worried as to how will I handle it in the event it happens. Yes,I just saw that life moves on ,etc,etc above but then I have come to learn that things are easier said than done.Until you have really experienced it yourself,you'll never be able to feel,tell or describe that feeling. The fear of what people will think of me,the embarrassment , the thought of how my family maybe disappointed at me,the thought that they will say that I've not been studying seriously, the envious feeling of watching your friends get through and you did not. The shock feeling of how some people could get through (when you didnt really believe it that they could and you couldn't ) all these thoughts come to my mind.

I am not the smartest person out there,but there is a streak competitiveness and not wanting to lose to someone in me somewhere.Plus,some of my seniors whom went to the same high school with me and my sister's friend manage to get through it the first time around.So in that unexplainable feeling,I somehow feel the need to be able to get through this as well.Also,its the feeling that I've let my own self down,that I have no one to blame but myself that I did not get through this.

So yes,I fear.

I try to tell myself that it's not the end of the world if I dont get through.Maybe God has another plan for me.I can in a way experience life in different way which I might not thought might happen (?) I don't know.We will see how it goes. Let's focus on the positive and try to give my all while I still have sometime left .

-with lots of love ,peace out-

Friday, May 16, 2014

my person (people)

Just finished watching the season finale for grey's anatomy.At the end of season 10,Christina is finally leaving.And while still in tears I decided that I had to blog about this one quote i love from this episode.It was a perfect farewell.I love it.It happened so fast that i just wanted it to be longer.

"You're my person. I need you alive. You make me brave," Christina said this to Meredith.

In the context of friendship : 2 person came to my mind-Ms.Lee and Ms.Sweet. The things that I've gone through during high school years and what not.

The next people would be Ms.Yap and my sstwo. and also Ms.Jue Ann.

Disclaimer: Not that I dont value my other friends in general,but these are the people that i feel get me and they're the ones i usually go to first (other than my family) on my happiness and sadness in life.

I feel very blessed to have met these people in my life.I am sorry if I dont seem to be the friend in need at times,or when I display my act of jealousy or bitchness. But I do value,treasure and want to maintain or further improve my friendships with a number of people that I've come to know for sometime now.

-with  lots of love,peace out-

Sunday, April 27, 2014

how far would you go for love?

To love someone and be with them until it comes to a point where it seems that you are the only one who is working to further build and maintain the relationship while it seems that the significant other always promise to do better and keeps apologizing. Is it really worth holding on to? Is that or is there still love?

Is it still love when it seems that you cry more than you smile at times?

It makes me wonder how far would one go for love?
I've never been in love. Observing and hearing stories about how my friend's deal with their relationships,in giving my opinion at times,I wonder,why would you go through all the pain and misery when it looks and feel that you could do with someone which is so much better? or that it would better to be single and alone rather than putting yourself in such emotionally and physically exhaustive times.

And so they say,love is blind,and we accept the love that we think we deserve.
We are so blinded by it at times,that it numbs a bit of our logical and rationally judgement.
At the same contradictory time,it makes us happy,it gives us hope,it may even make us stronger at times.
It helps us grow and (hopefully ) help us become wiser as well.

So I wonder,how far will you go for love and try to maintain it after going through all the happiness and sadness?
What is it from it are you hoping to get at the end of the day?
This may be an unanswerable question at times

But I do know for a fact that human beings are not robots,we get exhausted.
When it reaches to our very maximum limit,
The brain and heart will tell you,enough.
That's about all the shit I can deal and take.
I need to cut you out of my life for the happiness of you and me.

-with lots of love (?) hahaha,peace out-

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

It's exam season for the upcoming months.Yes,you heard me right, months! and I am already preparing for exam.Well,to be honest,there actually isn't much time.The amount of workload that I have is crazyyyy.The subject matter isnt really hard,after changing my mindset from SPM for UOL style of exam,I have to change it again for CLP.The exams are literally a race against time and memory *sighhhhh*

Exams will be early-mid July.What am I gonna do after that? PARTAYYYYY. Hahahaha. Just kidding. I am totally not a party person in the sense of going to clubs or drinking alcohol. Never even got drunk before.Hahahahaa.

Am aimming and planning to go on vacations and have fun traveling and stuff :D Hopefully I will be able to do that. Am trying my hardest to study my ass off cause I want and foresee to have a tiny bit of R&R in May.SO, need to bersusah susah dahulu,and bersenang sedikit kemudian . Hahahahaha.

Just a slight update before I head to Dreamland as I am now feeling so hyper at 2am and I have no idea why. *sigh* that is why I am soooo not a morning person. I need to rewind back my sleeping clock though.Have been sleeping about 3-4 something lately,and hence today,i guess i am sleeping a bit early.

So so so addicted to songs from the Neighbourhood.Specifically : Lurk, Afraid (4e remix) , Silver and Honest.It's been on repeat the WHOLE day today. And for one last time,am gonna listen to it before i head to bed.

-with lots of love,peace out-

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

23 but I insist that I'm only 21

hello hello,Once again I am about a month late in posting up updates. Looks like my resolution to blog more seem not to be working out so far.I have myself to blame for my love of procrastination. I have one or two draft posts which needs some touch ups here and there before I post them.

Well,I love the month of April solely because I was born on this month.Had a night class this year on my birthday so all birthday celebrations were celebrated either before or after the actual day.How did the celebrations go this year? A summary of it would be : food! the main theme for this year! hahaha.

Celebrated my born day a day earlier with my long time best friends : Ms Lee and Ms.Sweet.Had brunch with Ms.Lee at this baba&nyonya restaurant (called Lima Blas-which means 15 pronounced the baba and nyonya way) at jalan mesui (which has an awesome coffee shop called Feeka beside it! )  We ordered a set lunch where the main dish was tamarind chicken and after tasting it,i decided to order Pong Teh as I was curious as to how good it would taste. It was not up to my expectations and I was giving my opinion on it without realizing that the owner of the shop was kinda sitting behind opposite of me-seperated by a cupboard or something.

The unexpected moment that happen after eating was Ms.lee went around the shop to take some pictures and she saw this ice gems biscuits(?) i am not sure what exactly the biscuits were called,but it was these small biscuits with coloured sugar on top which i am sure all of you has eaten them during your childhood. (if you have not,then WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY FRIEND?!!!) . She wanted to buy some for me but the owner then just decided to give to her for free cause he said it's such an inexpensive food.And Ms.Lee then shocked me with it.I thought that she bought it in seremban and brought it up to KL to give'em to me..So I was super shocked to hear her story of how she got them later on.

Also,for some unknown reasons,when we were paying the bill,the owner decided to not charge us for the pong teh.Dont know if he heard my criticisms or what..We were dumbfounded that we kinda didn't ask the real reason as to why it was on the house.

Met Ms.Sweet for dinner and she came with 2 things that I never thought she and ms.lee had it all plan out. They decided to buy me : ROSES BY THEIR STALKS AND A BOTTLE OF ROSE WINE!! i laughed like crazy and was so shocked when I saw Ms.Sweet walking in with it.To be honest,I thought she had received the roses from her colleague at work and was about to say: Woahhh! you received flowers from work?!!!! When she said, 'Nah,this is for you'. HAHAHAHAAHA. I will never forget that moment.The epicness of it was beyond words.We had dinner and proceeded to have some coffee and cake at the Library Coffee and had some funny/interesting chilling session.These 2 friends of mine will never fail to amaze and amuse me.

Got a called from my aunt who's in UK on my birthday which i totally didnt see it coming.Oh, and my bro SENT ME A YOUTUBE VIDEO WITH CLIPS OF KOREAN STARS WISHING SINGING /DEDICATING BIRTHDAY WISHES ( it must have taken him sometime to find the vid) which was hilarious.No one asked me out to hang out on my birthay this year and so before class,i went to celebrate by myself with a little bit of starbucks and a salad wrap . Came home from class and my parents went to bed( as it was late).. and so i decided to make a birthday cake for myself with the ice gems biscuits as there were about 20 mins before 2nd April ends at 12am.

Had lunch with Ms.Leong at klcc to which she belanja me and we lepak and chatted for bit and it feels like such a long time since we've done these kinda stuff together =(( and had Johnny Rockets burger ( which IS SOOOO GOOOD) with my sis on Friday... The celebration continues on Saturday where I had lunch with Pei Nee,Siew Lee,and my birthday twins -Ah Chang & Hui Peng.Had korean food and Pei Nee and Siew Lee urprised the 3 of us with a lighted birthday cake! All 3 of us totally didn't see that coming.And I got birthday gifts from Ah Chang and Hui Peng-they used their books vouchers to buy me a book respectively.I was so touched and felt bad cause i didn't get them anything at all >.<

On sunday, yik yee belanja me lunch and for once we get to hang out and talk more other the the walls in my college building.It's not always we hang out after class cause we're usually either tired and rushing to go home or class just ended too late to have time to chill.Besides that,she's it's hard to meet on a day where we dont have class.

Ooh, and way earlier before it was actually my birthday,my parents got my necklace which i received for my 21st birthday clasp fixed and bought a new pendant for me-which i seriously did not expect at all.It was a cluster of stars.And I LOVE IT!!

All in all,this year's birthday celebration was very memorable.I get to celebrate it with all the person that matters to me in my life and albeit it being all at different timing,each of them took the time and effort to celebrate it for me and with me.Also I received a lot of birthday wishes as well.Some which I didn't expect to receive because I thought they forgot or don't really care.

Words really couldnt not express how happy, thankful I am in having such family and friends in my life.

-with lots and lots of love,thank you-

Friday, March 21, 2014

this maybe something that does not make sense.

I just had this random thought a few days back,and thought that I better put it down somewhere before I cast it off my mind.

I read this quote/phrase/sentence back when i was in high school and I go by this thing ever since I get to know about it cause I totally agree with what I had read. It has something to do of liking someone of the opposite sex.Like when someone ask me if I love that person to whom I am attracted to/have a crush on,my usual reply would be like-- if i was crushin on that someone : Uhhh, like for now,I just know that I am attracted to that person,but I wouldn't say that I LOVE him, because I dont know him well enough to do that. I think I like him,but not to the extent of loving him.

The word 'I Love You' has been used so easily these days for people who are in relationships.I mean how do i put this,sometimes,I feel people overuse it and don't really understand the real true meaning of it..But to put myself in their shoes,maybe at that moment,they really think that that was love to them.

It just occurred to me the other day,when I thought about all of the things I wrote above that I have yet to find a person whom I know well enough and like them enough to the point that I am willing to tell the person that I love him. Don't get me wrong now of thinking I am in a rush of wanting to find that person... I do feel so when I get emo at times (usually its in the middle of the night or when I friends announcing they are in a relationship in fb,etc)

It's been sometime since I have a crush on a person -like  I was shocked myself when I start to think about it.Hahahahaha.. Plus,based on past experience,hmmm,I dont really want to simply declare that I am crushin on a certain person for at times,you perceive that person to be someone whom you thought they might be but it turns out that the person is someone who is totally different from what you thought they might be.So yeah...

I shall stop here before I go on and type something which when I read back in the future would seem totally embarrassing and what not...

p/s: its kinda late at night now,and I might not be in total right mind when i am writing this post so please excuse me if this post does not make a lot of sense somehow...
-peace out-

Monday, March 17, 2014


Trying to achieve some things on a bigger/greater scale,hence certain sacrifices need to be made.
I feel everything comes with a price-and that it is not necessarily in monetary form.
It scares me,it worries me.
But I guess I should not dwell to much it in and just try to face them face on when the moment comes,
Because when it does,that's when you know whether it was all worth it or not.

-with lots of love,peace out.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Who's your person?

Hello there,we're now in the March. This month for me personally is there seems to be a LOT of event I wanna attend but at this current moment,I don't think I will be attending those which I wanted to attend which pisses me off a little and makes me sad at the same time.

But oh well,we'll see how it goes. Can't have everything I want to just go my way at times right? Shall try not to be a brat about it and whine-though this requires a lot of effort.

Am looking out to the future of things I hope to experience to which I don't if it will really come true. That being so, I am scared as to what the future holds for me in many aspects. I just hope that I will be strong enough to embrace all that will be thrown into my direction.

Just finished watching Grey's Anatomy and unlike korean dramas which portrays non-existent almost perfect dream guys and relationships, I love it cause it shows how people deal with the hardest challenges in their lives and how hard is it to maintain a relationship and to actually find someone who just gets you and you doing the same towards that person. To put it in words, to just find a person who is your person you know? So yeah. I'm still looking for that person I guess.

p/s: may the force be with me this sunday! I really want to get a good seat for 2NE1's AON concert! That would be the only concert that I maybe attending for the first half of 2014 and before my exams and stuff. (so so so sad right? *sigh* )

-with lots of love,peace out-

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

How's life

A friend who I've not heard from sometime asked me a question one day : How is life?
I paused for a moment.Different thoughts starting popping up in my mind as I try and type out an answer.
It also occurred to me that it's been a long time sincesomeone asked me that question.

How is life ? ( how is my life?)
This is a very good question.
On one hand,the pessimistic side of me wanted to answer: My life is not so good right now.To be honest, I am not entirely depressed about my life , I can still smile and laugh at things,but when I am left alone at times,there's just a certain amount of unavoidable sadness and disappointment (?) that starts to creep in. I feel like I was suddenly thrust into the spoltight of having to act like an adult. A part of me can't help but think : I am to young for these kinda shit. I am tired.Can I not deal with these kind of stuff?

Those thoughts written above came into my mind and lingered on for a minute or two.I then said to myself : Let's not freak my friend out and let's be positive and let's interpret that question in a different perspective.

And so I replied : Life is ok.Just some stress is piling up in respect about my exams.

With that,momentarily I tell myself that I am fine. Life is good. I can get through this. I am a stronger person than I think I am and I need to be patient.

-with lots of love,peace out.-

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Some favourite quotes of mine as of late.

''Each person has only one life to live and that which occurs only once and never again..thus the ''lightness'' in being.''
- Milan Kundera : The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

''People live really diligently even though they know they're going to die.
Even though they know they will break up at one point,
When they love,they love like there's no tomorrow.
Those childish beings are exactly what people are.

Things will get better as time passes.It could even become as if it never happened.''
-My Love from Another Star-( a korean drama)

''So I build me a bubble,
Then build a world I know will hold''
-Lyrics from the song by Santigold :Shooting arrows at the sky.

 “When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate more on the preservation of the future”.
 -Dian Fossey

-with lots of love,peace out.-

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart.

After having to deal with certain ordeals in life,
a thought or should I say a song title came to my mind.
''Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart.''

Yes,I thought I could,but I couldn't.
Instead I needed and wanted a hug in the process of trying to do so.

I don't know exactly why I felt the need and want of getting a hug from someone,
I am not exactly a person who does a lot of this in my life to be honest.
I just suddenly feel the want of someone holding me and to comfort me just for a little while
To get the feeling of everything is alright.Though shit happens,it's all good.

With that, I hugged my favourite pillow tight,
Assuring myself,things are going to be alright,
I should stay strong and try not to fall to much into the pit of self-pity
With that,I drift in and out of sleep to tomorrow with a new enthusiasm to life,
Trying to sleep with a broken heart.

Gone Too Soon

My brother brought back a new puppy a couple of days before 2013 ends.I was excited for it but the excitement and happiness didnt last for long.It ended too fast perhaps.The puppy is a boy cross terrier named Tori.

It was the first time my family had actually taken in a dog this young and we have zero experience as to how to handle it the correct way.I discovered that he was vomiting worms one day and he got sick and eventually passed away  early morning on the 4th of January.

It took me an hour or so to really process the fact.Upon hearing the news,I think my emotions and reactions just went numb ( I myself thought I was crazy for reacting so calmly) and I tried to go back to bed as I had class the next morning.It was about an hour later about 4 am or so that I finally accepted it and started to cry really hard and really realized that I had lost my dog for good.

I think I cried for an hour or so before finally drifting in and out of sleep and decided to skip my morning tutorials and just attend my lectures in the noon.I tried to stay calm in the train on the way to kl and as long as I dont think about it or so,I could control my tears which was a hard thing to do.

I just realized that this is the first time I dealt with a death of my pet.The first dog that I had,went it passed away ,I was too young at that time to really feel the effects of death I guess.

So,this hit me quite hard and I couldnt help but wonder if it was my fault that Tori died.I had to deal with this lost at odd hours and as much time I had over the weekend. It's certainly not a good way to start of my year in a way,but I will not give up all hope just like that.

We all I guess but would not wish for it to happen to all my close one, have to deal with a couple of rough patches/time in our life.Just so we could be a stronger person and have the determination and strength to want to live our life better than we did yesterday in my opinion.

Rest in peace Tori,you were gone too soon and I am sorry that I was not much of a use in easing your pain.


Hello there.It's the dawn of another New Year.I hope all of you had a great celebration. Here's to the next 300 over days.Let's go get it.

with lots of love peace out.