Honey

You say I’m too innocent
You say I’m too much of an optimist
You say I’m too sheltered, who never experience real hardship in life
You say I have so much more I need to learn
You say I’m too much of a dreamer


But honey,

I say, do not just judge a book by its cover
I say, most of the time, yes, I break things down and look at them in a simple manner
I say, most of the time, I’m upfront about my feelings and thoughts


But honey,


‘I’m a simple person who hides a thousand feelings behind the happiest smile’


I say, everyone has their own battle to fight, it’s something that one cant compare with another
I say, why look at things negatively? It doesnt help one solve anything but cause misery
I say, open your mind and think deeper, because the universe is looking at the bigger bigger picture


Honey,


You still have a lot of growing up to do.

A toast !

It's the dawn of another new year again people. How are you feeling? Technically, life goes on pretty much the same. It's only the date and year that changed.However, one just can't help but feel there is a new chance to have a fresh start in whatever areas one wants to work on or aim to achieve in another new year. For some,it's time to just forget what the previous year was all about and just move on and forward from it. Be it a good one or a bad one.

For me,2014 was not really a good year for me compared to other years that I've been living ( and to be able to evaluate,judge and compare from ) . The low times were really low and the high points were indeed high. I had to go through issues from almost every department in my life ( family, friends, love life, studies,etc) . But it's also a year that I felt truly blessed for being able to win a lot of contests. It also made me realized that I really have a bunch of good friends and of course family which formed a strong support system for me to get over things whenever I am down. I really appreciated and find it amusing looking at all of them trying their best in comforting me. I know for some that saying or doing things to comfort someone is not their forte. So,I really appreciate all the effort that they took for me.

Looking at it from another perspective, 2014 was a year where I was thrown into the challenge of taking a bigger leap than ever to mature my thoughts,character and personality to be a more mature person.It helped me figure out and try to aim as to what are my further aims and goals in life and who I want to be in the future.I also learnt how to manage my emotions and try to be a stronger person mentally and not be overtly sensitive on certain things. I don't know if you ever saw through me, but I care about how people perceive me a lot. That might result in some people as seeing me as a ' goody goody two shoes' or a person who maybe is always eager to please someone (?) .But let me tell you that I feel it's not that bad compared to last time. I am trying to work out on my pride and stuff which on many occasions had led me to do foolish stuff.

I also had the interesting opportunity to deal with super awkward situations that it made me think could there ever be a more awkward situation than what I've experienced so far? This year brought the level of awkward-facing-situation to a whole new level for me. As some ( or many) of you know,I decided to work while studying for my CLP this time around. One my first day of work,I had a 'buddy' lunch with a fellow associate on the same practice group I am assigned too. I def have a lot to learn from my team mate.Am trying to be more confident to put myself out there and less shy and more sociable!

To be honest,I was caught by surprised as to how my 'buddy' look like in a very good way. *winks* hhahahahaa. And I had the most awkward lunch ever.I can't really get you to imagine them or put it in words very much myself.One must really go through it themselves to understand how it feels like.The second awkward situation award would go tot he Christmas party office dinner that I attended.Thank god,I had a partner with me. ( we are the 2 newbies in this newly created team in the firm) So,at least I was not there alone.

I am getting to know,observe and learn so many things at the workplace that it makes me want to further improve myself in so many areas. I am so in awed of how some of my colleagues are just so friendly and sociable compared to me,who takes time to warm to people ( not a plus point at all) and can be socially awkward at times,and blur. Also,the associates that I met are all so articulate that I wish I was 1/4 as eloquent as them. Their level of vocabulary knowledge and level of articulacy is just so good that it makes me feel that I am still very much lacking and need to work on them,especially my confidence level in speaking eloquently and what not. So,yes I guess in a way one of my resolution for 2015 is to improve myself in this area.

Work hasn't really pick up so far. I think partly it's because I joined at a time where the holidays are near and everyone's on holiday and hence,everyone's pretty much on a holiday mood (which includes the clients as well). I am looking forward on how things will go from here. I will try to approach all things, good and bad with as much zest as possible ! What doesn't kill you,only makes you stronger and wanna kill the thing that you thought could kill you right? hahahaha.

Here's to another new fresh year where everything is always possible to begin or continue on . Wishing everyone a happy and healthy year ahead of them.

Quoting Tablo : I pray that  2015 is a perfect year for everyone.  

Also a poem from Lang Leav :

A TOAST!
 To new beginnings in fear & faith & all it tinges.
To love is a dare, when hope & despair are gates upon its hinges.

Happy 2015 everyone !

-with lots of love,peace out-

this maybe something that does not make sense.

I just had this random thought a few days back,and thought that I better put it down somewhere before I cast it off my mind.

I read this quote/phrase/sentence back when i was in high school and I go by this thing ever since I get to know about it cause I totally agree with what I had read. It has something to do of liking someone of the opposite sex.Like when someone ask me if I love that person to whom I am attracted to/have a crush on,my usual reply would be like-- if i was crushin on that someone : Uhhh, like for now,I just know that I am attracted to that person,but I wouldn't say that I LOVE him, because I dont know him well enough to do that. I think I like him,but not to the extent of loving him.

The word 'I Love You' has been used so easily these days for people who are in relationships.I mean how do i put this,sometimes,I feel people overuse it and don't really understand the real true meaning of it..But to put myself in their shoes,maybe at that moment,they really think that that was love to them.

It just occurred to me the other day,when I thought about all of the things I wrote above that I have yet to find a person whom I know well enough and like them enough to the point that I am willing to tell the person that I love him. Don't get me wrong now of thinking I am in a rush of wanting to find that person... I do feel so when I get emo at times (usually its in the middle of the night or when I friends announcing they are in a relationship in fb,etc)

It's been sometime since I have a crush on a person -like  I was shocked myself when I start to think about it.Hahahahaha.. Plus,based on past experience,hmmm,I dont really want to simply declare that I am crushin on a certain person for at times,you perceive that person to be someone whom you thought they might be but it turns out that the person is someone who is totally different from what you thought they might be.So yeah...

I shall stop here before I go on and type something which when I read back in the future would seem totally embarrassing and what not...

p/s: its kinda late at night now,and I might not be in total right mind when i am writing this post so please excuse me if this post does not make a lot of sense somehow...
-peace out-

Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart.

After having to deal with certain ordeals in life,
a thought or should I say a song title came to my mind.
''Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart.''

Yes,I thought I could,but I couldn't.
Instead I needed and wanted a hug in the process of trying to do so.

I don't know exactly why I felt the need and want of getting a hug from someone,
I am not exactly a person who does a lot of this in my life to be honest.
I just suddenly feel the want of someone holding me and to comfort me just for a little while
To get the feeling of everything is alright.Though shit happens,it's all good.

With that, I hugged my favourite pillow tight,
Assuring myself,things are going to be alright,
I should stay strong and try not to fall to much into the pit of self-pity
With that,I drift in and out of sleep to tomorrow with a new enthusiasm to life,
Trying to sleep with a broken heart.

Am I Strong Enough?

All of us have our own war we need to go through and fight.We choose our battles and try to win them.Some battles were thrown onto us involuntarily.What may be like the biggest and hardest thing for one person maybe be the opposite to another person.

All in all,let us wake up with a strong and positive mentality each day to face whatever things that are thrown towards us and survive through it.

I might not have the strongest heart and mind right now,but I hope it trains me to have one soon.

When you think that there can be no more surprises that could shock you,you are so wrong at times.In just a blink of an eye,the most unexpected things happen.

I am in a way thankful that I get to learn how to get through tough times,I just can't help but wonder : Why must it all happen ? Would it be different if a different decision or step was taken?

These unanswered questions,would through a course of time help me find the answers?
I'm uncertain of this,but if it does,when the time comes,would I really wanna know the answers?
I don't know.I hope I am strong enough to get through it.

-with lots of love,peace out-

I think I need me a chill pill

'Sometimes,we find a person to share our thoughts and insecurities not because we need an advice,etc
Sometimes we just need someone to hold our hands ,and to just listen, saying 'yes' from time to time to help us ease our over thinking and insecurities-to prevent us from being held back by them' -Honey & Clover

I just love the sentences above from Honey and Clover.I think I have probably watched it over a thousand times,but I think there is a certain point in time every year where I will just re-watch the whole series (season 1 and 2) and like each time i get a different feeling after watching it..It's not like the typical anime love story actually.It talks about friendship, life and love.(that's what I personally derive from it after watching it,that is) And it's so funny and sad at the same time,that it might be the main reason why I love it so much..And the songs used in it are nice too.So,yea,I love this anime a lot.

I think in between last year and this year there has been a number of negative posts here.One of the reasons is because I feel the need to let it out somewhere,and there is actually not a lot of people who knows that I blog,so I figured this is kinda good place for me to vent out my frustrations and anger at times.

It's the last 24 days or so to 2013.This year,like a few months of the second half of the year had me dealing with a number of umm,negative / selfish emotions and whatnot. Disappointment,anger,jealousy and all.It was not thrown at me all at once,but like I guess I had to deal with these things more frequent than what I went through last year I think.

I find it interesting up to a certain extent where you get to see it from a third eye view and also experience it personally on how it would be like when you are tested on what's your limit in trusting and being patient with someone and trying to give them chances time and time again.

I learnt also that  (for me) it's a tough battle in trying to fight the green eyed monster and being genuinely happy for someone.I felt like I was being suddenly put in a weird place in trying to fight this battle since I think I never really experience this kinda thing before.It was an interesting lesson now that I've come to terms with  it. ( oh shit, am I turning into some spoilt,immature brat  here ? nooooooo,i dont wanna be one)

I think the fact that my thoughts on life and other things in general may have changed for the past one year or so and hence,it changes the way I handle things and see things in different perspective at times.I'm like another step closer to a new chapter in my life and I am trying to decide or plan as to what and how am I going to proceed next.Like the things I dream I wanna experience and stuff, of course at the same time I am worried of once a decision is made,is it a right decision or vice versa you know?

Yes,you will probably ask me to not think too much and take a chill pill,and hence I quote the first paragraph above.

Oh well,let's hope that I will be able to end this year in a good note and have a fresh and good start to 2014 soon..

-with lots of love,peace out-

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a fuck.

How much can you trust someone at times?
How much can you forgive a person and then try to built your trust on that person again?
How much respect should you then give to the person after they have broke you so many times?

I guess this depends on what personality that person has to withstand these kind of situation right?
Just dont push it to a level that has reach a person's the maximum point.
Cause once that occurred you will completely make that person wanna cut all contact with you.

As I've posted this quote/ pic on insta-- Just never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a fuck.

I feel once you have reach that point,that's the point of no return.

I don't really like dealing with situations where there is a ' he said, she said' game going on.
And then a voice inside of me suddenly tells me : hmm,next time in your career,you gotta deal a lot with this kinda shits. It then hits me --ahhh, shit, that is highly likely so gonna be true..

I guess this is just another test to help me be a stronger person.

p/s: apologies if I'm being too emo at times,I take some things to heart a tad too much maybe at times.(plus the fact that the thing that happened today occurred at a time when I am mentally and physically exhausted does not help me stay super positive)

-with lots of love,peace out-

Isn't it a wonder?

Sometimes I can't help but wonder
If lost opportunities and moments
Are something due to one's passive nature
Or is it a sacrifice one need to make
In hopes of getting something greater?

Yes,perhaps one should embrace carpe diem.
However,there are obstacles and I'm not bold enough.

Is it something I really want ? or
Is it just a mere greed of trying to obtain it?
Or could it be due to an envious feeling?
It maybe a mixture of all three.

And so I can't help but wonder.
 I try to hold on to the believe
And tell myself everyone has a different story mapped out for them.
The ones I draw out in my mind under the title called 'wish',
Is it the same as the one in the process of being mapped out in reality?

I can't help but wonder about this.

-With lots of love peace out-

Let's Do This

Envy. I cant help but to feel so.
I have no one else to blame but myself.
Why?
I didn't work hard enough and I did not 'want' it.
I just hope and wish that i would get it.
Such unequal thought between reality and dreams,would definitely not come true.

I comfort myself that I have done well..(not well,just ok).
I tell myself-whatever has happened,its the past.
I should move forward and not dwell on the past.
Yes,let's do that.
Let's make sure I dont experience this feeling of bitterness again.

I know I am my own worst enemy and also the harshest critic of myself
That's how I try and strive to achieve what I want and deem as perfection.


-with lots of love,peace out-

What are you thankful for?

I just got to know another shocking and sad news about a friend of mine.
I was stumped for a moment.
When you think you got it bad in life at times
Like why are you put to test on certain challenges,that you feel its unfair that auch challenges are thrown at you.
At times like this,I would try and remind myself at times that some people got it much more worse than you that your problem is not really much of a problem..

I try to remind myself time and again now that i should always be thankful that I am who and what I am today and that I should cherish and be thankful about everything that has been thrown towards me.To try and appreciate all the little things in life and not to take things for granted at times.

To my friend,I hope you recover soon and be completely cleared of what you are going through right now.I truly admire and salute you for being so strong and positive.. no words can really express how much i salute you for being so brave in fighting cancer.(leukemia)My prayers and most sincere wish goes out to you.

With lots of love ,hope you will be well soon,peace out-

Is it ok?

Hello people! Didnt realise that i have not updated my blog for almost 2 months now! my bad! I have a quite boring/routined-based life at times.hahahahaa..BUT,will have a LOT of things to update now..that i will break them into separate parts.. =)))

After my exams,i have been enjoying my holidays being a very lazy person...But deep inside me I start to feel scared and insecure...Looking thorugh social network sites of my friends-it seems that all of them in one way or another is moving so much forward in life compared to me.

I feel like I dont know what I will do or go after I am finished with my degree and all...It's like all of them are swimming forward in the ocean and am about to reach their own destination at mainland soon while I am slowly drowning in the ocean...

In other words,I feel suffocated...This grappling fear that everyone seem to have a plan already and I feel I have yet to have a concrete one.

Being the person that I am,I usually just keep these thoughts to myself to which was noticed by my loved ones...And after letting it out,I feel much better and I then see that maybe it's ok to not be ok at times...

What?

Everyone is a little screwed up in their own little weird way.
Is it because of this that we tend to consciously/subconsciously strive to fill a void?
A void that is deemed by us of something known as perfection.
It's where everyone of us is trying to achieve from our own perspective of what we think perfection is.
It's a subjective thing and when perspective collide,it leads to many different kind of result.

Is it all worth it? For how long would we be happy once we have achieved it?

I find myself thinking about this.
I remind myself not too be too caught up in this,
To at times stop,look back and appreciate all that I have experienced.

With that also I find myself thinking,what is it in life that I am living for?


-with lots of love,peace out-

Thoughts

Hearing,reading and seeing things happening around me lately,
It made me think;
Is there such a thing as 'forever' in relationships?
If there is no forever,can there be a lasting one?

Love.
Its such a beautiful thing.
At the same time,its a scary thing.
It can be a drug,giving you ecstasy.
Or it can be a poison which slowly kills you.
Which one will it be? Could it be both?

From what I have learnt though,
There is always an exception.
 Thankfully,there is.phew.

Why?

Sometimes you think you have a rough idea of how a person is.
You never expect them to change or thought they will.
The words ''People generally don't change ya.It's very hard for people to change at times'' came into my mind.

As I watch someone I know change for the worse right in front of my eyes.
It's just sad.I was shocked,disappointed and disgusted.
How could a person change to being someone who is so cruel?
Yes,you just need to just breathe,to just stop time for one moment and relax.

All I see was you are just escaping.
It maybe a hard thing to accept,the reality.
But everything happens for a reason.
Have you ever thought of what your consequences might lead to?

I can't understand why did you do it.
We were never close due to our age gap.
I maybe deemed as 'still a kid' and dont understand stuff.

Well,I may not know how complicated things were.
But to see you hurt the people who loves you the most.
To see them go through the pain.
It's just sad.
I wished you could see what you have put them through.

Maybe that time will come one day for you to realize.
I am afraid when that time comes,it will be too late.
For it is not easy for one to forgive another.
If forgiveness was ever or eventually given,
One does not forget easily.

It's just sad.

Strangers

Ahhh, I met you again after about a year or so.
Thoughts of the past replayed in my mind.
It's sad,that we can't at least be courteous with each other and just smile at each other or say a simple 'hi' as a form of acknowledgement.
There will come a day where we will just be strangers to each other.
Not that we already are in that situation now.

One thing is for sure.
I checked with my heart about my feelings this time around,
I feel nothing.

Stay cool

''You think you're weird (?) i think i'm weird..we are all weird in our own ways. '' I feel i have weird taste in music and other things in general at times.As in,not really a lot of people i know shares the same ones with me.
These words just came to my mind the other day where I just remembered I once said this to a friend of mine where we were chatting over in MSN.I think it was like 2 years ago.Hahhahaa.