Saturday, February 25, 2012

If it's meant to be,

Gahhh,it's like 2 and a half months more to exam.Status: Freaking out and the non-stop feeling of stress.Therapy of it:Putting on nail polishes,craving and eating fat foods,lots and lots of music and a little dose of english and korean drama during the weekends.

At times,just to take my mind from thinking about my daily stress and stuff,I find myself thinking/forming some thoughts on some other things in life.I was watching Grey's Anatomy (an avid fan !) and on one of its episode in Season 8,the theme of the episode was a take on What Ifs.What if I choose this route,what would the outcome be like,what if that something didn't happen,what would happen? and watching that episode,some of the outcome was unexpected and funny.But,as I was watching some of it just didn't feel right you know.Maybe it's because for 8 seasons,I was happy with how some things were and like thought that it was just right for it to be like that.

Thoughts of what ifs..Of course I thought about it.What if I decided to study something else? what if I decided to join college at a later intake? What if I decided to like change and become a total opposite of myself just maybe fit in or join people I think was cool in college or like to just follow the trend of smoking,going clubbing ever so frequently and getting drunk and whatnot?

The ending of that episode of Grey's is that,if the route that you have chosen back in time was different from it was now,one way or another,if what is meant to be will be.If you are destined to get to know a person,be firm friends with them or whatsoever,even if you have taken a different path at times,if you're destined in your lifetime to get to know them,one way or another,you'll get to that point in your life.It may take a different path/time to reach there,but at the end of the day,the final the outcome will still be somewhat the same.

I am a believer of that too.And I just love that episode.I find myself thinking a few years back too,like what would my life be if i had not met my college friends?what if zi stop trying to maintain my friendship with my high school close friends? I'm very thankful to have come to know an awesome bunch of friends.Being in college,in a new environment and all is like starting school all over again..Leaning new stuff,meeting new people,etc.Only thing is,it's a much more scary and I may say a bit cruel..Like if you don't meet the right friends,you're life would be may find at times that hey,trying this and that is something new and it's actually fun.Why have I not do something like this before.But,I feel it;s important to stay grounded to a certain extent at times.Change and adapt is all good but to go to the extent to become someone where at the end of the day,you find yourself being in actual fact all alone.Is it the real meaning of  happiness or something that you want?

I feel that everyone has many different layers of personality and you display them differently depending on the group that you're in,hence resulting you getting to mix a wide variety group of friends,if you're usually of the neutral type of person.It depends really. Hmm,one would think,does that makes you fake since you're acting differently with different people? I'm of the personal opinion,that it's not really fake.It depends on how you look at things lah.This is merely my outlook lah.

I'm pretty much a quiet person at times.(gasp.! shocked??!! ) the sense that it takes me time to warm up to someonelah.I don't really talk much if I don't really know you.This is for real.BUT,when I discover that you and I share something which I love,for example,korean stuff.Hahahaha.You'll see my eyes shining suddenly and there goes my mouth.Not only thatlah,I mean if I get to know you further and we can like get along,then you'll slowly realise that umm,I love gossips (muahahaha.who doesn't?) am very blurrr at times,impulsive,am a cool nerd.=p not what I am of your first impression when you meet me perhaps? unless like you meet me at times when I tengah ber 38-ing with my friends.(habis ruin my image) hahahahaha.

So yea,I'm really thankful to be able to meet many awesome people in my life.Forgive me if I have ever pissed you off in any way intentionally or unintentionally.Everyone is not perfect nor a saint.Nor can one ever please everyone in the world.

-with lots of  love,peace out-

Thursday, February 23, 2012

How's everyone's life lately? Mine's pretty much the same other than the fact of some stuff cropping up here and there(out of the unusual/unexpected) and of course,my ever growing discovery of new songs.current addiction are : Cassie-King Of Hearts,Chris Brown-Turn up the music,snow patrol-called out in the dark and Big Bang..Am patiently waiting for their new album.Feb 29th baby.hahaahahhaa

Sometimes when I have nothing to do,or like am inspired by the movies/stuffs that I read.I tend to think about stuffs concerning/affecting my daily life...For one,I sometimes feel like single is the way to go.Not that I don't want a bf,just that,sometimes it's just better to not have one.There are of course pros and cons to it lah.But I can't help feeling scared hearing my friend's relationship problems at times.I tend to prefer a less dramatic life lately,and hence the coming to these kind of thoughts.hahahaha...

Also,I have come to realise lately that I dont know what is the exact reason for people behaving like this,but I am of the view that self-pity is a very bad thing.Don't take me wrongly,I do have moments of self  pity also,it's just that,I sometimes feel that you go around feeling sad and sorry for yourself,it doesn't actually make things better.Why not choose to be happy instead,or improve on the stuff that makes you feel down,like find a solution or something.I don't mean that you can't totally be sad and emo when you are,( look at the emo posts that I have here..booo) just that,dont do it for too long? Maybe it's due to my impatient personality or something,or that I hate seeing myself being like that and so, I dont really get the idea of self-pity.

I think I realised that self-pity is if I may put it bluntly,a stupid thing sometimes,when I realised a few years back that '' Honey,the world does not revolve around you,so whatever you do,have the strength to look and move forward''.Everyone's selfish to a certain extent,and so,at times,some just couldn't care less about you.

Maybe cause of this some people do it just to seek attention,some just can't help themselves,some just do it without realising it.I think there was one day where I was thinking to myself,urghh,it's just so hard and tiring travelling like that,etc,etc,etc..And then another voice or it's just my logic/rational side talking to me saying  why am I pitying myself,instead of just moping around,why not look at things at the brighter side,when the going gets tough,you should at least try to be tougher..take it as a challenge,a way to arrange your time and all.And so,hence,I try to not self-pity myself too much..and maybe a lack of sympathy for those who do so.( I know I'm mean)..I also feel it takes my energy.mood away..And I dont feel it's worth of my energy to make myself feel like this.Better channel the energy to become a nerd or something more beneficial.hahahaha

Oh course,doing it once in a while is ok,but doing it for a long period of time or all the time,it annoys me lah.I would think,come on,you're not that weak of a person,why make yourself so right? Oh well,these are only my personal thoughts and it's understandable that not everyone agree on all,feel free to disagree.criticize,etc. Just a current random thought that got me thinking lately=.

-with lots of love,peace out-

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day! For those lovers out there,it's an extra special day to celebrate love I guess? hahaha.For me ,it's really just another day.No feeling of bitterness or whatsoever this year.(i use to feel a little last time).Gosh,I'm such a grown up now.=/ It's a good thing I guess.hahaha. Was hoping to witness maybe some interesting things,but did not at all.Was a bit disappointed.

Received a call from the King of Gold Bells at night,and again,I was in blur mood cause I was still sleeping (my evening nap) So,so,so sorry man.*cries* The weather is so,so,so hot these days that it's killing me.My love for black  coloured clothing is wavering thanks to the weather.

Nothing much lately.Am trying out Shiseido skincare stuff and it's not bad.Am most probably gonna some of their stuff soon.The sales person recommended me a couple of extra thing.What puzzles me is that she reccomends like two types of stuff in the same category for example,two different type of toner.I feel weird cos I was thinking is there a need to use of different product of the same thing,you get what I mean? That made me think,is she selling me,in a way to get more sales? Hmmm..Need to ask me friends some opinion about this I guess or shall just google it to get some reviews,etc.hehehe.

College is busy and stressful as usual.Arghhhh,I can do this! I must! While I was cleaning up my room for CNY,my mind started compiling a list of things/projects that I wanna do for my holiday after my exams.:DDD A couple of things I have never done before and I hope I have the patience and endurance to complete it,(being the person that I am,I really hope I do).Shall not list it down here first for I don't wanna jinx it.=)

Can't wait for Big Bang's comeback!! Am getting excited about it.It feels like it's been such a long wait after what had happen to them the past year.

That's more of less the summary of what's been happening these past few days/week I guess.Off to read some blogs,revise a bit and sleep.

=with lots of love,peace out-

Monday, February 6, 2012

On days where you feel like crap

As I'm reading my texbooks and seeing my friends study,I'm scared and worried.Am I doing enough.Is it really enough? I have about 3 months or so left.Yes.It seems like a long time but I know it's not.I'm scared and worried making me feel stressed out and when I do stuffs like watching shows,reading blogs,I feel guilty.I force myself to study,reminding myself that I have to at times I don't feel like doing so.

The positive part of me keeps assuring me that everyone has their own way of studying.Dont over think stuffs as it will kill you.I try not to.But it's hard.What fear can do to you is scary.

Studies aside,my face's crap.As in my complexion.I need to go for a facial soon.Not sure when.Have classes on weekdays and on Saturday,it's till night.Want to change or get some facial products,I'm at a lost.Don't know which one to choose.One person tells me this,the other person tells me that.(the people who sells skincare products,I mean) Asking my sis opinion,she scolds me and tells me why do I keep changing and stuffs.She tells me that she wants to help me squeeze my pimples and stuff on my face.I freaked because the last time she does that,it made my face worse.The facial products all so freaking expensive that it makes me think twice before buying one.Why? I dont want to waste my money and buy a bottle for like hundreds of dollars and then find out that it makes my face worse.Plus,it's my own money.I don't feel nice asking my parents for so much money..Am trying to change my eating and lifestyle habit,etc.

My sister irritates and pissed me off lately.Am tired of explaining stuffs and so I just usually keep quiet.Or like just let the thing pass by.I am no superhuman nor am you maid.Don't keep expecting me to do all the simple stuff for you where you are lazy to do.You are tired,so am I.The reason of when I was younger I did all this already and now it's your turn or now is the time for you to learn is plain bullshit.If you were to calculate,the time when you stop doing all the stuffs and the time when i started doing all of it till today can be very much equivalent already.

Dont get me wrong.i love her but sometimes i just am annoyed with her to death.In a way I guess it makes me a person where when I want something,I,myself will go and make it happen.Like,if I want to go to a concert,I'll go buy it myself,etc.Why sit around and wait and then regret and complain to the whole world right? If I'm able to get the stuffs i want with my own ability,I'll go do it.

I need a place to let out my anger,sadness and worries and whatnot.This is the place.Sorry if I'm boring you.I mean you must have think that this girl here is a spoil brat who is selfish and calculative when it comes to helping out and is just plain lazy when it comes to her studies.Hey,you are entitled to what you think.I'm cool with it.

I guess I just need people to reassure me for I am so unsure,insecure,not confident and indecisive of myself at times,that I hate it but can't help it(you know,sometimes you just have days where you just feel like you're crap,etc).Am trying to not think of what people think of me.Man,i hate myself being like this and am trying to improve on this point here.

I'm cranky now,so good night.peace out.