Sunday, August 19, 2012

Part 3

As some of you may have known,after my exam I was all happy and relaxed and then the dreaded moment came when I got to know that my exam results will be released on 16th of August.And I told myself to NOT think about it till the Olympics ended.Why? because after it ended,it will be like 3 days more to the 16th.And I think almost 72 hours of nervousness and all would be more than enough.

And that 3 days passed by so fast,thanks to me distracting myself by cleaning and watching shows and reading.On the night of the 15th,I was experiencing temporary insanity if you may that I feel like screaming on top of my lungs to get all the nervousness and what not.

I knew the moment before exams and sitting through it that I would at best,get a 2.2 and worst failed my exam.Like for real.After the first paper which was tort,I literally went home and cried because I knew I screwed it up.I have never been this depressed and down about an exam since I was 13.Partly of the reason is I know myself pretty well about exams.It's either I know that I'm gonna be ok or I just screw it up.

I have been in one way or another been preparing for the worst and not have much of a high expectation for it always leads to great disappointment at times.16th came and my hands got cold and shaky,heart was beating madly and the mind was clueless on how to position itself.Make matters worse,at the last minute I couldn't find my student number.

When I saw my results,the first thing the eye focused on was not the marks but whether passed or not.And I literally cried when I saw I did.It was tears of relief and thankfulness.Year 2 is no joke.It was so so so much more harder than year 1.UOL as expected always surprises me.The subject that I thought I did well,I did not fare that well.Vice versa.I was very close to failing actually as I cukup-cukup got 40 for my Land Law.(*in no way that I'm a genius* but I thought I would do better in it.) and for those who are curious,I got a 2.2 overall for now.Shall work hard to graduate with a 2.1 or hopefully a 1st class.Its gonna be hard like hell but as they say,always aim for the stars.or is the moon? Eitherway,I'm gonna try my best for it!!

It was so surreal that I checked at my results for like 3 times to be sure.I would like to thank my lecturers,my family,my friends and my brain cells  for being there for me,encouraging me,making me feel guilty,entertaining me,teaching me,being patient with me at times where I could be bitchy or a total drama queen what not.thank you so much.I am truly thankful and blessed to have you all.

I am really bad at comforting people and really showing much affection (?) or emotion (?) openly.But I believe that everything happens for a reason.Happy,Sad,Good or Bad.And this may sound weird for you,but if at times,have you got the feeling where if everything you have ever dream off come true and you're so happy that it scares you? I have and somewhere at the back of my mind would suddenly say,this is just too real that it cannot be right.There must be something bad that will be happening.Yeah.I don't know what had lead me to think this way.Maybe it's because I have experience at times that to have everything you want/wish you want,there must certainly be a sacrificial value equivalent to it.Only then that it would be fair.That is how I see things at times.Life is not just a bed full of roses.

But (of course there's always a but) that doesnt mean that that the end.One should always find a solution to it,take things positively and to never give up.Everything happens for a reason and one should always stay strong!!

forgive me if the flow of this post is going in all direction,the thoughts are getting a bit muddled here.=.=

p/s:'s this? A reminder for myself and something for you to figure out? hahahahaha.

-with lots of live,peace out-

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