Monday, February 6, 2012

On days where you feel like crap

As I'm reading my texbooks and seeing my friends study,I'm scared and worried.Am I doing enough.Is it really enough? I have about 3 months or so left.Yes.It seems like a long time but I know it's not.I'm scared and worried making me feel stressed out and when I do stuffs like watching shows,reading blogs,I feel guilty.I force myself to study,reminding myself that I have to at times I don't feel like doing so.

The positive part of me keeps assuring me that everyone has their own way of studying.Dont over think stuffs as it will kill you.I try not to.But it's hard.What fear can do to you is scary.

Studies aside,my face's crap.As in my complexion.I need to go for a facial soon.Not sure when.Have classes on weekdays and on Saturday,it's till night.Want to change or get some facial products,I'm at a lost.Don't know which one to choose.One person tells me this,the other person tells me that.(the people who sells skincare products,I mean) Asking my sis opinion,she scolds me and tells me why do I keep changing and stuffs.She tells me that she wants to help me squeeze my pimples and stuff on my face.I freaked because the last time she does that,it made my face worse.The facial products all so freaking expensive that it makes me think twice before buying one.Why? I dont want to waste my money and buy a bottle for like hundreds of dollars and then find out that it makes my face worse.Plus,it's my own money.I don't feel nice asking my parents for so much money..Am trying to change my eating and lifestyle habit,etc.

My sister irritates and pissed me off lately.Am tired of explaining stuffs and so I just usually keep quiet.Or like just let the thing pass by.I am no superhuman nor am you maid.Don't keep expecting me to do all the simple stuff for you where you are lazy to do.You are tired,so am I.The reason of when I was younger I did all this already and now it's your turn or now is the time for you to learn is plain bullshit.If you were to calculate,the time when you stop doing all the stuffs and the time when i started doing all of it till today can be very much equivalent already.

Dont get me wrong.i love her but sometimes i just am annoyed with her to death.In a way I guess it makes me a person where when I want something,I,myself will go and make it happen.Like,if I want to go to a concert,I'll go buy it myself,etc.Why sit around and wait and then regret and complain to the whole world right? If I'm able to get the stuffs i want with my own ability,I'll go do it.

I need a place to let out my anger,sadness and worries and whatnot.This is the place.Sorry if I'm boring you.I mean you must have think that this girl here is a spoil brat who is selfish and calculative when it comes to helping out and is just plain lazy when it comes to her studies.Hey,you are entitled to what you think.I'm cool with it.

I guess I just need people to reassure me for I am so unsure,insecure,not confident and indecisive of myself at times,that I hate it but can't help it(you know,sometimes you just have days where you just feel like you're crap,etc).Am trying to not think of what people think of me.Man,i hate myself being like this and am trying to improve on this point here.

I'm cranky now,so good night.peace out.

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