Thursday, August 11, 2011

a moment to let it blast it all out.

You know what,sometimes,I just feel live is so tiring.Yes,go ahead and think what is life so tiring for a girl who just sits at home onlining the whole day,rotting in it,doing nothing.Her life is just so drama free.Nothing to worry about and all.Well,yes.that is true.But,it just feels tiring because there's always expectations and responsibilities thrown at me.Not that I am avoiding it,I just need to feel appreciated a bitlah at least.

When i have done my part,you dont say a word,you don't even notice it at times.And when I dont you complain to the max.Making it seem that I dont do ANYTHING AT ALL.NOT A SINGLE BIT.ZERO.But then,have you ever stop and think that the tiny little petty things that i do.Have you considered it? Does any of it cross you mind?

I dont like to tell you the stuff that I'm going through,my worries,my problems.I prefer to keep it to myself and if can to solve it myself.You know why? I dont like it when you worry about things.One its because you have other stuff to worry about.and when you worry about things,you over think.You become paranoid.And i hate,what do I do,I make myself look like i dont have anything that worry me.not in my studies,not in anything.I hate troubling you.look at stuff unfolding before my eyes,I tell myself I dont want to trouble you.I make myself be strong and not to be reliable on others at times.And when you treat me nicely,I dont know how to give it back at times.Guess,i'm more comfortable concealing my feelings.preferring to let it out in this blog.I find a way to release and solve things myself.I find a way to show that i'm happy,a simple minded girl.I find a way to just be lazy and all.I find a way to act as if i dont care and dont know about some stuff.

In some aspects,I can be independent.But,i know i'm not independent and strong enough.There's a lot of things that I need to experience and learn about.I'm still immature enough in some things.and i dont put myself in others shoes to see what they are going through now.

But its just that like i said before.Can't you just stop taking me for granted at times,and just for sometime let me have my space.I guess you didnt realise that I'm the type who prefer to do things silently.Guess that's why you didnt notice the stuff that i do at times,do you?I have some reasons on why I do these things.I'm not just doing it blindly at times.
But i know at the end of the day,you still see me as some immature girl who's just a kid.Being spoilt and selfish.Not understanding what others are feeling,Not taking into account what they have done and sacrifice for you..and that I should have show gratitude for it from it by helping the,.doing things without being other words just grow up.

I'm just tired ok.tired.give me a have your problems,i do have a way of doing things,i do have your expectations,i try to live up to it.even if you dont show it,i know you because i've seen and felt it with my own eyes.And when i dont live up to it,even if you're trying not to show it,i can still feel it.and i feel like crap when i fail to do so.When you have come to terms of accepting it,even if i dont show it,i feel like crap not fullfilling it.

Yes.I'm that selfish,that self obessed and that ungrateful of an ass

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