6 Balloons

Someone I hold dear to told me that there is not enough time in the world for one to be able to watch all the good movies in the world. I agree there is just so much one can watch at times given that we are all so busy with so many things with the different departments of our lives.

As and when I have a chance, I try to watch as many movies in my list or recommended by the internet or friends or just random movies that I thought looked good. I saw this trailer of 6 balloons - a nextflix film. The reason I was drawn to this movie initially was due to Dave Franco. And then I found out that this movie was about drug addiction and upon watching the trailer, I decided I wasn’t ready to watch this movie. I guess you would think I am fine or just no longer give shit or care about what is or has happened to my brother. Sometimes it feels more like: “ I just no longer want to deal with it anymore but sometimes I don’t have a choice and it scares me, a lot”. At times like this, suddenly my opinion matter and I seem to be rational calm one. Able to point out what is the next best step or how we should deal about this step by step while at the same time still try to be two steps ahead and trying to deal with alternative situations which might happen instead. I’m not complaining, but when it happens more than once because you know that person didn’t change, I had it. No more second chances, your actions, your life, you deal with the shit and consequences.

Halfway through watching 6 Balloons, I wanted to stop. My brain is going on panic mode and my heart is freaking out trying to gage if I can handle the rest of the film. Part of me wants to stop the film and to not watch it anytime soon. The other part of me said, “ hey, you have started this, just get through it”. I proceeded with the later and felt sick to my stomach watching certain scenes unfold. Flashback or certain memories and emotions replayed in my mind.

No. I did not see first hand withdrawals symptoms at its worst for my brother, I am not sure if I d

id or did not see my brother high before nor was he addicted to such a strong drug, but seeing it being
despicted so real, it makes me sick to my gut that I feel like puking and what I could think of was did my brother went through something like that too? Did it got that bad? I know it got bad to point where he needed to lie and steal things. The next thought was also, what would I do in a situation like that? The narration of the movie is a 10 step level of how one feels like they are drowning. I related to that, and hence the question I was asking myself as I was watching the film was that, what would I do, I understand the actions and decision of the Dave Franco’s sister. To see the person you love dearly be in such pain and desperation and at the same time you are trying to do the right thing saving him but the final and fastest solution to it is to give the thing that is destroying him just so that he is able to breathe and be ok for a while, is something extremely hard while trying to hide it from your family and your partner to try and deal with it yourself. It hit me hard.

After Dave was ok, and I guess is high and seems to be a completely different person and for a moment everything seems to go back to normal-happy, it’s crazy. You are relieved yet ashamed and second guess your decision to give him the thing that destroys him. And the look on your parents, your partner confronting you on why did you not share or let him in on this and the look on your friends face because they know what is happening. The scene where Dave was predicting what his parents would always say for e.g the mum said that he broke her heart, the desperation of trying to  administer the drugs that there was no water and he resorted to use the tester from the toilet bowl, how the sister said that he’s a piece of shit, and where did things go wrong, they came from the same place.It scared me, made me feel sick and broke me at the same time.
One who has experienced this first hand would be able to feel it watching it now from a third eye view. As Dave was all happy and normal, that was the scene that make me cry uncontrollably. When he said, let’s go, I can really do it this time, I can really get clean now. I snorted and think to myself, no, it might not and it’s going to be a long fight.

Dave was expecting the usual, his sister to drive him to rehab and help him get clean without realising that all his actions, reactions and symptoms was affecting his loved ones, the sister being the closest to him, affected her so much, make her paranoid and scared so much and it was drowning her.

I like the ending of she finally realised that to help him was to actually leave him and let him leave up to his word and how it through his actions and to also make him not take her for granted. That what he was doing and her help was affecting her and she has to be selfish for once and to wake him up that he needs to sort out his own shit now and she cannot always be there to care for her. I love it. I wished they show whether he really did get clean or just went all angry and back to his ways and get more screw up in the end, because let’s face it, it takes a lot and it’s very hard for someone to turn over a new leaf with a snap of the finger. I guess it’s up to interpretation and those who has experienced something like that even more so would be able to draw a realistic conclusion to it.

It is a movie that you would need to hug someone after you watch it or talk to someone after it. I did not see this coming and a few persons came to my mind to want to talk to this. I am however not sure if I want to burden them with this thought or side of me, and at this hour, writing it all down here helps. I guess here is to a better tomorrow,

xx