Days where I miss you

It's funny how I used to need a 'source' to be able to cry to release my sadness or my stress. (yes, that's how I deal with sadness and stress)
Now, tears fall easily by just listening to a sad song or reading a sad poem or an article or just the things I write about here. (Y.O.U - I smile and then I cry. oh help me God.)

Dont get me wrong though. It's not totally tears of sadness. They're a mix of sadness, happiness, thankfulness.

I guess the worst so far would be on days where I'm having a really bad day and I wish I could get a hug or a kiss from you or a cuddle session to feel the warmth of your body. You're so warm and I'm always so cold that's it's uber awesome to snuggle into you, listening to your heartbeat and taking in the faint smell that you have,

Or just at nights where I lay on my bed in the dark listening to beautiful music and then I think of you and realized that I miss you a lot. It's weird cause we actually didn't spent much time together really, but I just find that I miss you a whole LOT sometimes.But then I'll think to myself, who am I or who are you to make me feel this way?

It's a first really. To be able to meet someone so good .. but it's not meant to be in the way you want it to be. There's a constant battle between holding on to this small strand of hope, giving up and not think too much to this and letting go, and the worse part, to be somewhere in the middle of the two ends where you're indecisive and confused to go either way.

I guess I should live in the moment and not dwell so much in the past and the future and see where things go.


xx