I was cautiously optimistic and can't help but build a small tiny glimmer of hope.Hence, if it does not work out,one would think that it will bot be too devastating. But things took a turn and I am suddenly hit by a huge wave of lethargy and feeling demotivated. I need a break of being positive, striving to preserve on and follow ups. There's only so much one could take I guess. Today is the day where I feel the need to just out everything on pause. While crying in the shower, these words of someone saying this to me a few months back came into my mind: it is not easy doing what you are doing now. To know that you will not stay at where you are now and to look for a new place at the same time while juggling your current work and commitment. When I heard that for the first time that time, I was thinking to myself, no, it is not that hard as you said. I am handling it well. And today I take my word back.
I am a ball of emotions today. I received a belated birthday gift, got praised that I did very well for the work that I delivered. And then I got the news of being rejected for a few if my job applications. And then people start annoying me with their queries which at the state that I am in, I dont really want to give a fuck or argue much about. My head screamed for me to stop and just let out my emotions in order for me to gain a new focus and a fresh start. With that I shall enter dreamland with hopes that i wake up tomorrow not feeling like crap and keep questioning myself every 5 minutes: what did i do wrong? Am i that bad? Am i not made out for this? Am i not cut out for this? What is it thst i am missing or not seeing the picture here?