Monday, June 10, 2013

Just some venting and self pitying.

You know at times where you tend to be perceived as someone who is strong and independent and cool with stuffs in general, that people take that trait of yours for granted.However,it tends to get frustrating at times.

Its not that i am self pitying myself (come to think of it,there is a little here,but whatever,i need a place to vent out my thoughts and what not) it's just at times, internally i am screaming " Hey, I have feelings too you know" I am no robot. I do have emotions- to feel tired, and angry and frustrated at times. Sometimes, I just want to do nothing and laze around and just get to be lazy,not feel the need to be responsible for every tiny little thing.

When you then show out how you truly feel,people deem that you are overreacting, being selfish and calculative now.Like 'why cant you be less immature and selfish and be more open?'

I have been,but, there are just some moment in every human where you just have the ' I am sick and tired of this shit' feeling and some moment of weakness and want to rely on someone instead.

When that moment comes though,at times you find yourself not knowing how to react to it as you are used to being strong,etc,etc.And so you tell you self to stop all the self pitying and whatnot and just be strong.

And slowly then,you start to build a wall around  you,and if it is possible,try to solve things on your own and not asking people for help because that's how you were trained (indirectly) to be. Doing your own thing and not really complain when you feel troubled or tired as you are usually the one people take for granted for.The one who does not seem to have any problems,insecurities,sadness,or loneliness.

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