This thought just came into my week last week, 'Ahhh, Fakeness. Perhaps everyone has a certain level of it? It depends on how you present yourself to people / the world and how people interpret it.
I guess at times,I do fake it too.Some for courtesy purposes.I guess I'm too nice or unable to bring myself to show that I actually have a great dislike for that person? Now though,I try to stay away from the person I dislike as far as possible.It's better and healthier in my opinion.
I've written in one of the posts here before that it takes time for me to warm up to people.I'm generally perceived as a quiet person if you don't know me well.For e.g: if I do know you,but we're not close,or like have ever really spoke to each other,chances are I won't really say 'hi' to you when I meet you? maybe a slight smile.that's all.I think it's a bit of an ego/pride issue here? Like just in case I say 'hi' to you and you don't respond to it.Ohh.the embarassment.Also,I am afraid that you don't recognise/ actually know who I am.Hahahahaha.
I wonder at times,do I come on as arrogant due to my kinda 'cold' personality if you may.I get that a lot when I was in primary school.I do admit I was a miss-know-it-all.It's just that if I know something where I am 100% sure of that I'm right,I'll tell you straight on that,''this is it.that's the answer.I'm absolutely confident of it''And I guess the confidence came out as arrogance and that people actually hate me for it.After that,being humble and over the years,I prefer to just keep a low profile now.
Or people think that I'm fierce or just a plain nerd whom does not know anything other than reading/studying.
I hate being used.(who does right?) And I know how it feels.Experienced some directly and that feeling sucks.Hence,I tired not giving people that vibe.How does one define 'using somebody' ? Having thought about it,I realised it's a bit hard to come up with an answer.I feel (feel free to disagree with me) that we do use people everyday.It's just not over the extend of too much,you know what I mean? I'm not then implying that using someone is hence good, it's just don't use someone purely for your own advantage and when they're of no use to you,just drop them like a hot potato.I don't know about you,but my conscience does not feel right doing these kinda things.
I think too much don't I? It's not like I always have too much free time,just that from some daily encounters,people watching at train stations got me thinking.I write these thoughts down in a way as a reminder to me to practice what I preach (?) and I take it as something to change/improve myself for the better.
p/s:stay strong mei quin!!!!! am always here supporting you!
-till then,with lots of love,peace out-