Crossroads

i am not the efficient blogger who updates her posts on a regular basis, which means I fail as being one if you follow the literal meaning of what a blogger is. I was in the loo as I was about to start killing my brain cells and I was mapping it out in my mind as to the thoughts that I feel like putting down here in this blog. I was planning on writing a post on my short 48 hours trip to Penang with Ms.Sweet and Ms.Lee. However, being the master of procrastination, you know that I've not done this yet. So that will have to wait to maybe later tonight or somewhere near the next few days I guess.

I was just thinking of how this blog serves as indirectly being an electronic diary to me. i started this blog partly as it was a trend during my days where everyone has a blog and famous bloggers are everywhere.I would just sit in front of my computer the whole days reading posts of the few favourite blogs that i stumbled upon and was so in awe of their writing skills. I feel the same today towards the very minimal blogs that still blogs about stuff that doesnt sound too over-commercialized and have pretty pictures for me to dream and drool over and at the same time it being such a witty blog post. ( yes, you could say that my benchmark for what I would classify as a good blog would be very much high, or not ).

That thought lead me to a quick summary on how my blog is. How I set it out to be. I started off my blog in only documenting the happy moments and thoughts in my life. The concerts, the celebrations, the music,dramas, movies that I fell in love with.The hot guys I declare of as my husbands.I try to record bits and pieces of my life on as much of a daily notice as I can. I was being criticized ( I have too good of a memory at times) as being seem to only ''record the happy moments in life'' which might be an in your face thing for certain sad and depressed people out there or maybe it just brings out the inner green monster in them that how can an individual have so many happy things happen to her, measuring it against their own life. I assure you that was not the intention.

But as one year after another pass, and this blog has not not been deleted, as I sometimes read what I have posted a few years back, I realized that my blogging posts have changed over the years. There has been a period in time, which was a year or two back where I was put through the test of the negative things in life and I could feel that there were a lot of negative posts in here. I blog about things that I was angry and unhappy about. How dissatisfied I was that I was subjected to such ''unlucky'' things while others are others are out there enjoying the lives and getting what they wish for.

This was a place for me to rant all my angers and turn on the self pity mode for myself. Part of the reasons I do them here is also because though this blog is public, I did not disclose on the entire social media that I am in of having own a blog. Only few very close friends of mine knows about this place. I don't know if they have ever enjoyed reading this space here as all it seems to be was about me and how I think the world revolves around me.

But the very basis of why I started this blog maybe the reason why its still being kept here on the internet. i started this blog to document the thoughts and moments where I wanted it to be put down in words so that I could go back and read about it one day, thinking how stupid or emo I was at the time where i was writing it.I was even amazed at my writing skills at times. But, I must say dengan muka tebalnya that there were certain posts that I feel still withstand the test of time and I still stand by some of those thoights and opinion till today.

What made me think of all these things and to churn all those thoughts into so many words are that i remember this blog post that I wrote towards the end of my A-levels or was it during my degree days was that how afraid I felt about not having a vision of how I want my career path to be.How I felt that my peers have a goal set in their head, that they were all sure of what and where they wanted to do after they were finished with being a student  and I felt that I was drowning. Or swimming around like a headless fish.

And I realized over the years, like literally, no one really knows where they are heading. That it's ok to feel that way and that things happen for a reason that will eventually lead you to the path that you wanted all along without you realising it .