Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a fuck.

How much can you trust someone at times?
How much can you forgive a person and then try to built your trust on that person again?
How much respect should you then give to the person after they have broke you so many times?

I guess this depends on what personality that person has to withstand these kind of situation right?
Just dont push it to a level that has reach a person's the maximum point.
Cause once that occurred you will completely make that person wanna cut all contact with you.

As I've posted this quote/ pic on insta-- Just never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a fuck.

I feel once you have reach that point,that's the point of no return.

I don't really like dealing with situations where there is a ' he said, she said' game going on.
And then a voice inside of me suddenly tells me : hmm,next time in your career,you gotta deal a lot with this kinda shits. It then hits me --ahhh, shit, that is highly likely so gonna be true..

I guess this is just another test to help me be a stronger person.

p/s: apologies if I'm being too emo at times,I take some things to heart a tad too much maybe at times.(plus the fact that the thing that happened today occurred at a time when I am mentally and physically exhausted does not help me stay super positive)

-with lots of love,peace out-

Life moves on

Woke up to a strange dream.
I guess it's a dream about my subconscious desires.
I'm awake and back in reality.
So, life moves on.

Hello November.
Having a Deepavali holiday and savouring every moment of not having to be at college at odd hours and days.
I totally forgot about Halloween this year until I saw people posting pics of their halloween parties and stuff.
Yes,I am that blur at times.
Law school has the effect of making you forget about the dates and days you're living in at times.

Am still addicted to GD's Coup D'etat's album..It's that good cause I listen to it almost every day.
The new songs addiction now  which is on the 'very serious' level would be:
 Eminem ft. Rihanna - The Monster
Lorde : The Love Club EP and Pure Heroine album (which means all of her songs are awesome)
Miley Cyrus -Bangerz album is actually pretty decent.
Kahi- It's Me album
The songs from Team A and B of WIN
The Neighbourhood- Sweather Weather and their cover of Cry Me A River (by JT) and Say My Name(by Destiny Child)
Max Frost-White Lies
Caught A Ghost-Time Go (thanks to the drama Suits)
Epik High ft. Lee Hi-It's Cold (polar remix)

and I'm slowly getting hooked on:
GD ft Jung Hyung Don -Going to Try
Park Myung Soo,Primary and Gaeko of DD- I Got C
and other songs by the infinity challenge freeway song festival  which I am searching for their eng lyrics.

1 more month or so till the year ends,I feel like attending one or two concerts before the year ends,but tak ada concert kaki..AND I wanna go for FMFA 2014 also.. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis is COMING! But-still searching for a partner in crime.It's sad at times.. to find a person who have the same wavelength of the type of songs you listen to I feel...*sigh*

Did I also mention that a few weeks back,I dont know what got into me but I've been suddenly yearning of going away for a short vacation.The beach,or shopping or just some sight seeing somewhere.I dont know why.Maybe it's cause I was feeling exhausted of my CLP classes and it at times makes one feel like you don't have a life (?) and couple that with seeing pictures on people on fb or instagram who are jet setting here and there for a vacation just adds fuel to the fire you know?

Ok..enough ranting and self-pity -- as I mentioned above,life moves on..I still have enough positivity and happiness about the little things in life to feel sane and  not be totally depressed.

-with lots of love,peace out-

Isn't it a wonder?

Sometimes I can't help but wonder
If lost opportunities and moments
Are something due to one's passive nature
Or is it a sacrifice one need to make
In hopes of getting something greater?

Yes,perhaps one should embrace carpe diem.
However,there are obstacles and I'm not bold enough.

Is it something I really want ? or
Is it just a mere greed of trying to obtain it?
Or could it be due to an envious feeling?
It maybe a mixture of all three.

And so I can't help but wonder.
 I try to hold on to the believe
And tell myself everyone has a different story mapped out for them.
The ones I draw out in my mind under the title called 'wish',
Is it the same as the one in the process of being mapped out in reality?

I can't help but wonder about this.

-With lots of love peace out-

A day to remember: 041013

I wanted to blog about this as soon as the day has arrived or like a day after it..But then I was really busy with class and exhausted and then I keep telling myself let's just do it the next day and that next day has finally arrived: today.

What was it that I wanted to blog about here? MY GRADUATION!!!! YES, I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THE EXTERNAL PROGRAMME FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF LONDON graduating with a LAW DEGREE!!!! I could not be any more happy and relieved.

I started out for this course,during first year,still being able to cope with all the subjects thrown at me..Did just ok for it and everyone said that second year was going to be the toughest and third year will be the easiest ( easier than second year). Well,second year was definitely HARD. Plus the fact that its the year where you know that it will count towards your degree honors makes it even more so. I remembered I was so stressed up at times,that at times,after class or so,I just went home and watch a sad movie and just cry to release all the pent up stress and fears.This may seem a weird way for you guys maybe,but it works for me.Music of course plays a HUGE part in helping me go through it as well..The relief of getting through 2nd year was certainly huge as it was the first time in my life,that i was super nervous and worried on the day the release of my results,and it being released at 7pm was certainly a test of my patience and sanity.I cried as soon as my brain has processed my results...It was tears of relief,and it felt like a huge weight was just lifted of my shoulders.

With a positive mindset of I have survived the toughest year for a law degree (what everyone has been saying) I went into 3rd year with a little bit more happiness being assured that people will usually do better than their second year and it being easier. Well, it wasn't.. Whoever who said it was,for me that it,THEY WERE LYING. How is Jurisprudence easy man?!! come on, its legal philosophy.To answer 4 question on it for exams i.e basically like writing an essay on it--- I was worried like crazy when the day arrived for me to sit for that exam..When people asked me if I was prepared: My answer was: I dont know what I know is enough and I dont know what I know is correct.I went into the exam not having to memorize anything..Just an understanding on whatever stuff that I have read and some opinion of mine on what it was,what I felt was right to me and was not so right to me...It's definitely my most insecure paper that I had to sit for an exam.The stress level for 2nd and 3rd year is basically more or less the same--the more scary part for 3rd year is that you know its your final year and you just dont wanna screw it up right at the final one you know.

I was more worried for my 3rd year results than my second year I think.And they made it more awesome by releasing it at 10pm this year.Having gone through it for 2 years before that,UOL has this opposite and unexpected effect on your results.Its so unpredictable at times that its just best to prepared yourself for the worst and not have high expectations.Thank god I was working for like 9 hours or so that day,so,at least it took my mind off of wanting to kill myself with the wait.The moment came, and as usual,the first thing I checked was whether I passed everything and after seeing that I did,I saw that I am graduating with a second lower.And then I checked my marks and I was disappointed as the subjects where I thought I did not bad I got low marks and vice versa.And my results were worse than my second year.So ,yeah.... tears of disappointment and regret.I know I sound like such an ungrateful brat..I should be thankful that I got through it.That I am graduating...But there is greed in all human of always after achieving what you have got,to want more.

My family were really proud of me.I can feel it really and the sad thing that I regret was not doing better to really deserve the fact of how proud they were of me.My mum was very excited of my graduation ceremony and keep asking me what I am gonna wear and all.It turns out my sis was excited too as she was the one who asked my mum on what flowers to order and stuff.

I must admit that I was really looking forward to it as well.I dont know if you guys remember,but I blogged about attending my friend's graduation and working for my college's graduation last year or 2 years ago,and I see some people were so nonchalant about it I was puzzled. Inside of my brain,I was thinking : COME ON! It's the day where you are finally and officially graduating from your degree course! Like it's such and awesome and certainly not an easy thing to do! And I was imagining on how happy and excited I would be..

I couldnt believe that the moment was finally here.It was a bit of a hassle in the process of choosing what to wear and stuff.But it was definitely a moment to remember.And I did makeup for myself for the first time..And I must say,it was interesting and I need to brush up my make up skills. And I need to have more confident in myself.

I died in my heels for being in it for almost 6 hours! I brought my flats with me and when I finally decided to change into my pair of flats,my feet felt it it could bend back to its straight flat shape back..I seriously salute girls who could walk in them all day or run in them.At times it was hurting,I think I was just crying and screaming internally.

I really liked Mr.Rajan's speech and when he cried,it just made me wanna hug him.! adding the fact that he looked like a big teddy bear make me wanna do it even more so..Hahahaaha. Since my name started with 'C' i was seated amongst my classmate whom I was not really close with..But being the person that I am,who will die or boredom not talking--made a friend that day.Hahhahahahaa.

Went and had dinner at Gastro Sentral at Le Meridien (the hotel just beside Hilton-where my graduation took place) and had my burger! And it was AWESOMEEEE.hahaahaha.My parents didnt wanna go thorugh the driving hassle on KL on a Friday evening/night..So we took the ktm home to arrive in Seremban with no electricity until about 2 am in the morning.What an epic ending to my day.

I would like to thank my parents and sibling for always being there for me.Sending me to the train stations and putting up with my mood tantrums at times and what not and also for helping me de-stress from time to time and giving me space during my exam period.I still remember my mum telling me after I was done with my second year exam,that during my exam period,she felt like at times she was talking to me- she felt that I was just being there physically but my mind was someplace far away.Hahahahaa,and she was freaked out by that and did not dare to bother me much.My dad who secretly comfort me if I were to come back and said that the paper I sat for was hard and who bought me my ipod( my saviour) and also an iphone.And also sponsored my overseas vacation.My sis who never failed to irritate me and make me laugh and also provide good advice from time to time.My bro who seem to be amazed from the fact that the stuff that his sister is studying is really hard.

I would like to thank all my friends who supported me.My sstwo.I could never be more thankful and blessed of being able to get to know you..For accepting me-who is lacking in so many ways..Who are so patient in dealing with my blur-personality and letting me stay at your house and fetching me out to various places in KL and like having consideration of me being from Seremban and what not..And also of course for helping me in my studies and informing me on all the interesting gossips.And also for hearing me out about my insecurities and assuring me that its ok.Oh,and also putting up with my kpop land concert addiction.Cannot believe it has been for almost 4 years or so that we have know each other.I couldnt thank you guys enough really.

   I would like to thank my besties(not to say that my sstwo arent,you guys are too) : Ms.Sweet for taking the time to meet up with me and having and belanja-ing me lunch and then accompanying me to Hilton Sentral and helping me with my robe and hat to which I was totally clueless about and then hanging out with me for a while more before the ceremony started and also giving me a gift and making a card for me despite being busy for your job interviews.you know i love you A LOT RIGHT ?! haahahhaa..Would also like to thank Ms.Lee for taking the time to give me opinion on my baju,shoes and make up and hearing complains and what not,despite being in Seoul.I think it is save to say that I have known you guys for more than 10 years and the stuff you guys have thought me..How to be more bolder and what not.For always putting up with me--being late and the concert addiction,the indecisiveness and all.And also for not failing to give me surprises from time to time and also knowing me best on the stuff I like and  all the memalukan moments.Hahahaha.And always hearing out my complaints and self-pitying  about my UOL days,and now my CLP days and always assuring me that I would do just find.And already hiring me as your personal legal adviser! (i expect a payment ok?)hahahaha.thank you sooo much.

I would like to take the time to thank my long time friend: Jue Ann here too.Dont know if you are reading this,but thank you for hearing me out at times of me being stress and knowing the fact that you're gonna be a psychologist and hearing me out and giving me advice and all certainly is assuring and of course taking the time to keep in touch with me! Hahahaa.Congratulations on your graduation as well!!! All the best there in Singapore.I know you can do it =)))

Lastly I would like to thank all my lecturers who had thought me.They were seriously my inspiration.Like me and ah yee was interviewed a bit after the graduation ceremony by some BAC people and the interviewer asked me-what made you continue to go on till the very end?  And I said the lecturers.I think he was like a bit surprised by my answer.I said like seriously,looking at them,being at the side-being able to teach us and doing such a good job at it,made me preserve on..Like I think you guys may have heard me mentioning about one of my lecturers: Ms.Puvan--like I seriously look up to her.She is so good at what she does,and the assurance that she gave me as her student-is just amazing.Ms.Sanjeetha was also one of my inspiration! She is just sooo cool.hahaha.And Mr.Rajan is such a humble person despite of who he really is,just make me feel like no matter how great you are,humility is key.There is no need to be arrogant or a show off to people who are at times not worth knowing.If  you're good at what you do,people will see it.

Also,not forgetting,I would of course need to thank my brain cells.I mean come on,I couldn't have done it without them..You guys have fought a hard and crazy war.The toughest one is yet to come.And I hope I can make it!!!

041013 is truly a memorable day for me as it is a day which officially marks the fact that I have graduated with a law degree.

p/s: seriously bertekad to not procrastinate too much now for my CLP... maytheforcebewithme!

-with lots of love,peace out-

Truly blessed.

September have been a good month I must say.I started the first week by feeling a bit sedih as the best friend Ms.Lee left for Korea and I need to cope with the fact that I am now kekurangan a partner in crime for many stuff..But her absence doesnt feel so bad as we skype from time to time and talk to each other almost every day...the only thing that is missing is the physical presence you know? And also the 'oh-I-envy-you-a-LOT-right-now' and 'why did I decide to take law' moments from time to time..But other than that,it's all good.

And I have been very very very lucky this month,I must say.. Firstly,I was not having high hopes at all of attending world stage this year,but at the very last minute,I manage to win a pair of tics from Astro,and I went !! Attended world stage with Mich ! It was a bit of a messy and complicated process of arranging how to get there all,but the day finally come, and all went well =D It was raining but we got in late,and didnt really got drenched in the rain..

As we were walking to the concert venue (inside sunway lagoon already) I was saying to mich : "i hope EXO is the second one to start performing,or something like that' went suddenly the security guy or the worker for worldstage turned,looked at me and EXO is performing now..They've been on stage for about 10 mins now..You better hurry if you wanna see them- and his friend said,-Go! Run,run! Run for your life!!!!! Hahahahha... And i did a little...manage to hear them sing half of History, and then 3.6.5 and the song that I looked forward the most is actually Growl.! There were lots of people.. and i was in the back..But it was all good as I have saw them once before in GDA.

After that,it was Far East Movement time!! I was very excited as I have a kinda huge crush on Kev Nish!!! And let's say they really put up a good show!! IT was so high! or like I was really high.! hahahahahaa..Coincidentally I was really addicted to their new song called The Illest and hence was even more happy when I get to hear it live !! :D

I am not really a big fan of Robin Thicke-but of course there is a need to hear him sing Blurred Lines live!! But his live performance just blew me away!! His charisma and aura is just soooooo SEXY that I was just just just so mesmerized by him!! And he is REALLY GOOD LIVE!!!  The crowd was not as hyped up as they were when Robin performed compared to FM's performance as Robin's songs are much slower..

But all in all,its good.And would really like to thank michele for accompanying me to attend this and for sending me home and all. You know I love you ;))))  I really had a good time =))

Let's Do This

Envy. I cant help but to feel so.
I have no one else to blame but myself.
Why?
I didn't work hard enough and I did not 'want' it.
I just hope and wish that i would get it.
Such unequal thought between reality and dreams,would definitely not come true.

I comfort myself that I have done well..(not well,just ok).
I tell myself-whatever has happened,its the past.
I should move forward and not dwell on the past.
Yes,let's do that.
Let's make sure I dont experience this feeling of bitterness again.

I know I am my own worst enemy and also the harshest critic of myself
That's how I try and strive to achieve what I want and deem as perfection.


-with lots of love,peace out-

What have I got myself into?

Ello people. Did you enjoy the story that i wrote in my previous post? My apologies again if you feel its the worst ever and a completely waste of your time.I just realized I have only ever attempt to write 2 stories in my life and all was written for fun..Another story was posted in my blog too.It was written during my last year in high school but was sadly not published in my school magazine and so I decided to post it in my blog instead... Hahahaa.I just re-read it and its completely different from the one I just posted below..If you are interested in reading it-- you can do so here .

Anyways,I have just started my CLP class 2 weeks ago. What do I think of it so far : It's scary,stressful and very bulky. The subject matter is no joke. I have 5 papers to sit for exam-but these papers are further broken down or branched into like 9/10 subjects.. And my study period for all of them : My lectuers will be finished by February or March. Is it crazy? It completely is.

The amount of info that I need to learn,memorize and cram into my brain and then use it for my exam-just the thought of it makes me feel very nervous and stressed up.. A number of people are working while studying this. One of the reason is because classes are only on weekends and tutorials are either in around 5.30 pm or like 7.30 pm for part time students.. So there is actually a lot of free time and some were of the thought that, hey,i might as well work to gain some experience or money.. I kinda have the same thought for one moment too,but then ,my sis was against the idea of me working as she has a couple of friends who did law and just told my sis to tell me that it's best to just devote my time to study... And seeing the amount of work that will be cut up for me,I feel so too.

I have declared ( to myself and for myself ) that Monday is my off day and for other days,i will be starting to revise my studies.. This shall apply today itself. I am really very very worried and scared ( more to feeling horrified) of the thought of failing my CLP ... as the passing rate is like 20% or so and the amount of students in my class is like 400 . Am very worried that I cannot make it. So, I shall make sure I work hard to achieve it and this time I will really make sure that I keep my word on this.

I dont want to fail and study everything all over again.Also,the exam fees and all are so damn expensive that makes me feel super guilty if I dont try and pass it the first time.

I was thinking to myself the other day that UOL seems easier to me now somehow (?) --DOnt get me wrong- UOL is hard like hell,just that I feel CLP is like on another level.. also CLP is more based on memory work and requires you to like vomit it all out in the exam.. Sounds easy right? Well it is if you have a photographic memory and the ability to write very fast to answer 4 questions in a 3 hour exam.

I was very very freaked out that in just 4 classes (2 weeks of classes) that my lecturer is done teaching 5 chapters, and plans to finish another 5 this coming week.. Plus the fact that he gives the 'how hard and tough the exam is gonna be,and if you dont start doing your work now and all,you are writing your own karma and leading yourself tot he road of failure' lecture and how if you do your work last min you are so not gonna make it and CLP is completely different from your LLB days (to which he calls LLB as lagi lagi bohong) really makes me feel stressed out...Which makes me think of this question : Why did I study law? Is this all worth it ? Is this something I really want and is it worth it ? It's a mixture of yes and no really.But,for one thing, it's too early to give up,and I wont be as although I am very impatient with stuffs and tend to not finish things that I set to do at times and tend to get bored easily at stuffs at times also, I will not be a quitter just because it's very tough... As there is a saying that goes : A winner never quits,and a quitter never wins

But,I do have my source of letting  de-stressing myself like listening and checking out a lot of songs,reading blogs, and watching dramas and drooling and gushing about hot guys and all-- so its good for now.

p/s: am trying to revert back my sleeping time pattern, not happening so well right now as it''s already 2 am now..urghhh

-with lots of love, and worries,peace out-