Was reading an article a friend who goes by the name of Richard wrote on how therapy has helped him in his life for all the things that he had to go through for the past year and it got me thinking about this blog here that I have amd have neglected for close to 6 months now. It was a good article and a different one because he is one of the people I know that had to go through so much in life and getting to know him for the past 7 months or so, he has come a long way and am happy and proud of him (in a way). Dont ask me why. I just feel so.
Scrolled through and read some old posts which were like 4-5 years ago! And I was thinking to myself : ‘dang girl, you are one emo kid.’ It is at the same time amusing reading about the heartbreaks I get from the crushes I use to have on some guys which took me a moment to figure out just now whom am I being sad for. Haha.
Since my last post in November 2017, where I guess I was sad and angry and felt so tidak puas hati, and to see how far I’ve come from it, it’s a wonder and true how time flies and heals things.I ended the post with the quote, you never get over it, you just get to a point where it doesnt bother you too much. Upon reading that, my initial reaction was like : pffft, I was so wrong. I am so over you. But thibking about it again and to put it in words here, I guess that quote is right. It doesnt bother me any more these days really. Just on days where you post stuffs like: “ I’m happy at where I am right now and the person I choose to be with and am currently with.’’ This makes me roll my eyes and I would be lying to say I am not affected by that statement. But it’s not a feeling of hurt, more to like I’m just not satisfied by it! Well I guess in a way, I was the cause of it by the fact that I gave you the choice of making me an option and was so nice and naive about it. But oh well, I learnt my lesson.
So how have I been for the past 6 months? To sum it in one word: Crazy. Went for my first rave festival and had a really good time! Now have a partner in crime for festivals and events - Balqis :) Took a break off dating apps- or rather I’m just there when I really need to kill time in office and just not looking actively to be in a relationship right now. Finally quit my job and landed a new one! Thankful for all the nice people I get to meet in the realm of my professional life and am back working in the same firm as Li Ying!!
Went to Penang for a short holiday and got drunk but had a really good time there! Am going to be a bridesmaid for the first time in my life!
Before I really went on a hiatus on dating, met a person whom I guess I’m really comfortable with and in a way I share certain things with whom I dont share such things with a lot of people. Am I attracted to thus guy (physically and emotionally) : yes. But somehow, the gut feeling knows that now is not the right timing. So perhaps, pwrhaps if we are meant to be that somewhere in the near future, where if the feelings are ever mutual at the same and right timing, I would like to date you seriously. I have no idea if we can handle each other. But it will be interesting I guess. I was just thinking to myself, it would be so interesting, if one day, it’s like : let’s turn things back and be uncomfortable a little and go on a proper date. Yea, I’m such a hopeless romantic at times. This is just a thought with mininal expectations.
I have learnt over the years that when you expect too much at times, and it doesnt work out, you’ll just get sad and disappointed about it where in contrast if you dont expect anything, and something awesome happens, that feeling of happiness and surprise is just indescribable.
And I guess on 06.05.2018 I’m officially an adult. It wasnt someting I plan to happen but it did. Do I regret it? Not really somehow. I just imagined it to be a bit more different and a tad bit more special. But it wasnt much.
I guess 2018 is a year where I get to know more about myself, what I want and what I am striving. And given that it’s now May. That means almost half of 2018 has passed!!! Gosh how time just flew by this year! I’m 3 months in my new job (which by the way, I am now cofirmed as well)! It’s crazy! Just crazy!
Here’s to hopefully a good second half of the year and may I have the strength and positivity to get through and overcome things and enough logic to figure things out as I go through things.
xx.
