Days where I miss you

It's funny how I used to need a 'source' to be able to cry to release my sadness or my stress. (yes, that's how I deal with sadness and stress)
Now, tears fall easily by just listening to a sad song or reading a sad poem or an article or just the things I write about here. (Y.O.U - I smile and then I cry. oh help me God.)

Dont get me wrong though. It's not totally tears of sadness. They're a mix of sadness, happiness, thankfulness.

I guess the worst so far would be on days where I'm having a really bad day and I wish I could get a hug or a kiss from you or a cuddle session to feel the warmth of your body. You're so warm and I'm always so cold that's it's uber awesome to snuggle into you, listening to your heartbeat and taking in the faint smell that you have,

Or just at nights where I lay on my bed in the dark listening to beautiful music and then I think of you and realized that I miss you a lot. It's weird cause we actually didn't spent much time together really, but I just find that I miss you a whole LOT sometimes.But then I'll think to myself, who am I or who are you to make me feel this way?

It's a first really. To be able to meet someone so good .. but it's not meant to be in the way you want it to be. There's a constant battle between holding on to this small strand of hope, giving up and not think too much to this and letting go, and the worse part, to be somewhere in the middle of the two ends where you're indecisive and confused to go either way.

I guess I should live in the moment and not dwell so much in the past and the future and see where things go.


xx

Chill Pill

We're good right?

I hope and think we are.

Maybe cause this is the first time. I don't know what to do next nor how to be cool and chill with this to know that it's ok and that it's enough without losing it.



xx

- the magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end- Benjamin Disraeli

Epik High- Eternal Mourning lyrics:
love.
it's push and shove
giving and giving in, giving up
give, give, give, but nothing's given
sinnin' to feel heaven
just for the hell of it
contradictions, constant attraction
distraction
love: life hiding behind contraception
deception, a radio without reception
miscommunication and misconception
conception of a life too early for light
but just ripe for death
the depth of eyes
windows to souls shattered into tears
too cold to hold in my hands
plans, man, woman
love: the distance between me and you
measured by lies and truths
probable cause for hate, fate and destiny
insatiable thirst for the free
wake up to eternal morning.