I would say that since failing my CLP, and having a rough back up idea on what I would do in the event I failed my CLP, life on a daily basis have been interesting and challenging as when I have time to reflect at the end of the day as to what I've been doing for like the past 10 hours or so,I would ask myself this ques: when was the last time you did something for the first time. And i would find myself answering to this question on the new stuff that I was able to learn or get to know daily. Some of it might seem trivial or like something so basic, that everyone would be assumed to have known them, but for me there are a number of stuffs that I am thankful that I was able to have been exposed to.
I enjoy the work and the people that I work with most of them time. But of course there are down times too. And that day it got to a point where I was questioning myself,I am not even here for a pupillage, why I am putting myself through so much pressure when I still have other stuff that would be more of a priority than the work I am in now.. As in the main aim that I have this year is to pass my CLP. The side goal is to try and gain some experience at the legal industry whilst preparing for my CLP. This is a hard balance but I choose to pick this road to see how it will go and to challenge myself.
I would say, I learn a lot of things. But maybe its cause I am currently feeling exhausted, fed up and unappreciated in the work I am in now that I feel like quitting as I am worried that I wouldnt have time to fully prepare myself for the exams.I don't want to go through the feeling of looking at my results and seeing that I failed for the second time and I need to go through the whole course syllabus again and not to mention delay my time for another 1 year to be able to qualify to be a lawyer.
I think I have told a lot of people this.I dont mind working hard and being committed to my job. I dont mind being on the borderline of a workaholic. But there is a maximum line to be drawn. I want to still have some chill time. TO be able to go home at the end of the day and watch some shows to unwind. TO be able to have my weekend to just be lazy and not do anything, to be able to meet up with my friends and family. Because I have friends and family and a social life outside my office. I dont wanna lose friends just because of work. So these thoughts came to my mind when I find myself just locking myself in the room over weekends working my ass off.
I am of course taking my time to consider this properly. But another thought also prop up into my head just now. I remember my brother's advice on my initial dilemma on whether to work and study at the same time. He said well, you can give it a shot, and if you dont like it just quit. Why worry so much.. You are just trying it out. You still have time to build your career. It's not the end of the world. I was amazed by this simple thought when I hear what he has to say about my worries. True. Why be afraid and worry so much about what ifs and what not? As long as at the end of the day I am happy with what I do and have and do not regret the decision I made, it's gold.
We'll see how it goes.May the force be with me.
with lot's of love,peace out
